Marriage Advice

Marriage therapy has been a great success in so many people’s marriage.  It can help heal old wounds and reignite the passion between you and your spouse.

Everything needs maintenance to run properly and with no problems.  You send your car into the mechanic to get an oil change so that it doesn’t break down, causing you to have to make even more expensive repairs.  You update your computer with new software so that you do not get viruses that will wipe out your entire hard drive.  The same principle applies to marriages just as it applies to everything else.  Relationships are works in progress, and marriage therapy is one way we keep our marriage in tip top shape.

Is your sex life boring you?  Do small, insignificant things annoy you about your spouse?  Do you feel mentally trapped?  These are things that have to be nipped in the bud before you find yourself in divorce court.  Marriage therapy takes the philosophy of “prevention” to a level where it works in human relationships.  Marriage therapy will have you critically examining the points in your marriage that you can fix, and the points where you might be weakest at.  Let me tell you a story.

I knew this one couple who seemed absolutely perfect.  They never argued.  They always smiled and loved to do just about everything with each other.  It was almost like watching “Leave it to Beaver.”  Well, underneath the smiling facade was a lot of problems.  I advised the boyfriend to seek a marriage therapist.  I love giving relationship advice, but he really needed to drill into the problem.  Well, the therapist fixed a lot of what was wrong.  You see, they both put on a good face, but behind the scenes, they were not necessarily compatible.

He was a messy slob and she was neat and always liked to be punctual.  He loved rock music while she preferred classical.  He loved to go out while she enjoyed a quiet, peaceful evening at home.  They were attracted and there was a lot that kept their relationship together, but the engine of how they were going to get along day in and day out was not working.  Well, the marriage therapist was able to step in and make sure that nothing became too dire.

She was told to let her hair down a bit while he brushed up on how to be just a bit more conservative.  In fact, playing each other’s roles helped them learn about what made their relationship tick, and they were all the stronger for it.  I saw that couple years later, with children, and they thanked me for pointing them in just the right direction.

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One thing about marriage problems is that they can be solved.  Nothing is impossible, no matter how bad it looks.Marriage Problems?

I want to give you the scientific secrets to having a happy marriage and one of the experts on marriage is Dr. Gottman. Some marriage problems have been studied and there are solutions to your problem.

He’s been studying marriages for a long time and he’s found that there’s five magic hours that are enough to make a huge difference in the quality of marriage. He found marriage problems to be predictable.  Because they are predictable, they have predictable solutions.

There are some activities you need to do for five hours each week. This will cure most marriage problems. In only 5 hours!

The first one is connect before you leave for work. It’s the start of preventing marriage problems.

So at the beginning of the day, before you go to work, you want to spend two minutes a day connecting before you leave. This could include cuddling and touching.  It builds intimacy.  Some marriage problems can be cured just by that simple act. But there is more.

The second thing is connecting when you arrive home. Remember those old movies where the man kisses his wife once he comes home?

So after work, when you first get home, you want to start to chat, maybe at the dinner table or before you go to bed, but this needs to be 20 minutes a day.  Get in the habit of this and you’ll notice you look forward to it every day.

The next thing is to admire and appreciate your partner. Making your partner feel amazing is at the heart of solving marriage problems.

Don’t forget to complement your partner, tell them how great they are, make them feel good, make them feel important, do that for five minutes a day, every day of the week.  It takes just 35 minutes a week.

The next is to initiate affection and when you first met each other.  Remember, affection is verbal and physical.  You need to combine them both.  When is the last time you just cuddled with your wife?  Even stroking each other playfully can build intimacy.

Go on a weekly date, at least once a week and make sure that you do something together that’s fun, that’s romantic, something that changes regularly to keep it interesting.

Hopefully more than anything when you heed the scientific approach relationships, you realize that having a happy marriage is fairly predictable, it’s not guess work, it’s not a mystery, it’s not some sort of philosophical question or some impossible challenge.  Having a happy marriage really just come down to having certain daily habits.

It’s all about investing in your relationship and saying to your partner that “You matter.”  You can accomplish this by doing simple, easy things at regular intervals through the week.

Now these five tips are very simple, but they lay the foundation for a strong marriage.

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Seeing marriage problems signs early is very important.Seeing marriage problems signs?

What do we need to watch out for if we think we’re seeing signs of marriage problems?  We might think our marriage is going just fine, but are there special signs we should keep an eye on so that we can predict a problem before it becomes too much to handle?  There are, and if you’re knowledgeable, you can save your marriage before it’s too late!

First off, how often do you and your spouse make love?  Physical intimacy is the bedrock for many marriages.  Without it, your marriage devolves into simply a great friendship, and for many people, that’s just not enough.  If you feel your love life has taken a turn for the worse, it’s time to head off the problem and do something spontaneous and romantic.  Make sure that it breaks your normal routine and that your spouse is genuinely surprised.  Nothing builds romance and passion like uncertainty and spontaneity.

Another marriage problem sign you need to watch out for is if your spouse seems distant or aloof when they had been interested and engaged before.  This can be a surefire sign of marriage boredom, and if left to fester, can turn into strife later.  Marriage is supposed to build both people within the relationship and can offer ways for both people to grow and experience life in ways they couldn’t as individuals.  If your relationship isn’t accomplishing this, boredom can set in, and so can the wandering eye.

Does your spouse avoid you?  This might be, in fact, unthinkable for a couple.  However, when the glow of being newlyweds fades, have you fallen into the rut of monotony?  Do you feel that you do not need to do anything special for your mate now that you are married?  If you don’t show your partner that you value your relationship with them, they may feel slighted and distant.  They may find that staying at work extra hours or going out with their friends may be preferable to being home with you.

This might sound harsh, but relationships are ongoing and require a lot of work.  Your partner entered the marriage with you out of love, respect, passion, and because they though their life would be enhanced.  You most likely did for the same reasons, or more.  You cannot just rest on your laurels after you say “I do.”  It’s time to make the most of your relationship with your partner and to cherish them.

Do activities you know your partner loves, or talk about subjects they like to talk about.  Let them know you value your time together, and your marriage will take on a new character.  Change your home décor and buy a new car.  Go to a movie you would never otherwise go to or take up a new sport.  Take your spouse out to an art festival or to samba dancing.  There’s a world of new activities.

There are more signs of a strained marriage, but if you notice that your spouse is avoiding you, or you are having fewer and fewer chances to have intimate relations, or if you feel like your partner is just plain bored, there are ways to head off these problems so that you don’t find yourself in a psychologist’s office, wondering why you have to now have marriage counseling.

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I want to talk about when you’ve got a marriage on the rocks.How to save a marriage

Depression plays a major part of this. A marriage on the rocks is usually a sign of mental health issues from one of the people.

Fixing a marriage on the rocks is often not just about the relationship.

When couples are having relationship problems mental health issues this can really impact the relationship in a major way. Dealing with a marriage on the rocks is about not sweeping this under the carpet.

Depression is an epidemic, it can affect everything around your confidence, to your energy levels, to your emotions, to the way you see the world and when you’re depressed reality shifted. A marriage on the rocks might be a sign this is a problem.

There’s this thing people experience called cognitive distortions which mean when you see something often the depressed person gets an unrealistic image.

In a way reality is walked in their mind, and the truth is distorted, so often relationship problems are caused by one partner experiencing some trauma or maybe having some mental challenges and issues that aren’t resolve and aren’t fixed.

When you’re in a relationship a lot of your happiness and a lot of your own peace is tied to the quality of the relationship and that is often very closely related to your partner’s mental health. Dealing with marriage on the rocks you’ve got to be open to what might be the causes.

What’s really critical is that can you develop our communication strategy in your relationship, where you both feel very comfortable offering feedback, suggestions and being one team when it comes to getting health, support and dealing with problems. Having a marriage on the rocks is a must-fix scenario no matter what you need to do.

One of the biggest problems that occur in marriages is when you stop becoming one team, when for example, one partner suggest there may be a problem and the other partner resists getting treatment or doing something about it. Fixing a marriage on the rocks is a two people affair.

That’s usually what causes marriage breakdown and also it’s relationship problems is when both people are no longer on the same page, they’re not on the same path, and they’re not really aiming to work together on this together. A marriage on the rocks can be fixed you’ve just got to get both people in on it.

So if you feel like your relationship may be dealing with depression in you or your partners, it’s very important that you communicate about this, you talk about it and you work hard together to resolve it. A marriage on the rocks need to be highly analyzed for the problems.

Many relationship problems are just symptoms of some deeper issues, they’re just very superficial signs about things are wrong kind of a much deep level.

So what I encourage you to do is to really make a very strong consistent effort to make sure that you’re both very happy, healthy and your head is in the right place as well as that, that you’re both working as one team.

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Need tips for surviving the marriage process?  It’s not as hard as you think.  If you always remember that marriage is a journey, then you’ll find yourself much less stressed about it.  

If there’s one thing that’s certain, conflicts and problems are going to occur so your ability to deal with the marriage process and have a happy marriage comes down to one single thing and this is the bull’s eye; dealing with conflict.

Conflict will come up.  Do you have a plan to deal with it?

The first thing to know about conflict is that many people think they have a plan, but then realize they really didn’t when conflict rears its ugly head.  Are you ready to handle your first fight?

You will have the best intentions, but when there’s conflict, when there’s an argument, when there’s a disagreement, watch your response, did you get emotional? Did you get defensive?

Do you attack or do you have strategies in place to relax, to get peace, to take some time out, to get more of a mature approach to the situation?  What happens when the stress of life overtakes you?

How you deal with conflict in the heat of the moment plays a big part of the success in your relationship.

These are GIGANTIC questions!  I hope you have them answered!

At its worst conflict can lead to big fights, resentment, anger and even violence, so it’s very important that you learn how to deal with conflict in the moment so when things get heated, you know how to cool them down.

You know how to ease the situation, you have those sort of really good advance peacemaking skills, so you’re able to disarm the situation and to neutralize it so you can talk about things in a very calm, rational in a mature way.

That’s a critical element of successful conflict resolution in a relationship. Start your marriage process by thinking about you approach problems.

How you can take the edge of it very quickly. Think about the marriage process being dependent on working well with issues.

The second thing is how you work through conflict. The marriage process depends on it.

Surprisingly a lot of very successful couples don’t actually work through conflict as you’d think, they don’t actually discuss each and every part of the conflict and try and resolve it. I believe that the marriage process differs for each couple.

They accept that they’re going to think differently; they’re going to have disagreements, and they just accept that this is a normal thing and their goal isn’t to always agree on everything and to have their sense of uniformity on every issue.

Often you can agree to disagree and then move on. Some of the marriage process is learning how to move on and not hold onto things.

Successful couples often don’t waste a lot of time on trying to be right, trying to figure things out, or trying to get to the absolute core of every disagreement. The marriage process need not be about fighting.

Often you’ve got to allow seven percent on these things to occur and just factoring that you’re going to disagree on quite a few things and it’s not worth ruining your relationship over them and the third thing to realize about conflicts is that often these exist in a vacuum and what I mean by that is often a lot of conflict in the relationship can be a sign that you don’t do enough things together, and your relationship isn’t fun enough.

You don’t have enough shared goals, you’re not going on as many exciting adventures. Learning how to have the best possible marriage process by working as a team is the best idea.

It’s very unlikely if you’re a couple who had a shared goal to climbing a big, a tall mountain and you’re training all the time and you are undergoing all sorts of things together, that you would have a lot of conflicts. The marriage process in your life could be about doing these types of things together.

There’s something about having your shared goal and a purpose that can often create an environment where conflict kind of exists as one so sometimes having a lot of conflict in your relationship is a sign that it’s time to mix things up a little bit.

It’s time to make your relationship more fun and have more variety in it and to include a lot more experiences and a lot more excitement.

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There are certain things you need to think about when choosing a marriage therapist.  The market is full of them, so which one is right for you?

The first thing you want to keep your mind and this is definitely the most important principle on who to choose a marriage therapist is to decide to pick someone who has specialty in marriage therapy.  In fact make sure that marriage therapy is the only thing they do because the process of individual therapy and marriage therapy is very different.

You do not want someone with a degree from the University of Aruba to give you relationship advice.  You also don’t want someone who is just starting their professional career or someone who has strange, far out ideas that involve magic crystals and finding your inner child.  You want someone hard nosed to help you with your marriage, so don’t be afraid to ask your marriage therapist question about what their theories are.

Individual therapy is about you opening up about your feelings, bringing stuff out into the open. A marriage therapist is experienced with working to a plan. Normal therapy about honesty and about communicating what you want to talk without any judgment and often without any direction. A marriage therapist is different.

It’s up to the process of discovery where you can work with thoughts and feelings. Whereas a marriage therapist has a structure.  Successful solo therapy sometimes doesn’t have a purpose to it, doesn’t even the specific direction. A marriage therapist though has a purpose – fixing your relationship.  This is not a small distinction.

It’s more of an evolutionary type process in normal therapy. With a marriage therapist your relationship evolves.  Marriage therapy is very different. A marriage therapist has a set goal – to help your relationship.  Marriage therapy needs to start with the goal of making your marriage happy and successful. A marriage therapist is experienced with this.

In a way it’s biased, it has a type of ulterior positive motive where it wants to encourage you to get a certain result and this is what a successful and experienced marriage therapist understands. An excellent marriage therapist will work hard to make your marriage work.

They have tools and techniques to help guide you, to have experience with what you’re facing and they have certain systems and homework and formulas that can begin to rebuild and strengthen your marriage.

The problem with regular therapy is that it’s just about talking and sharing. It’s just about opening up and this can actually have a negative effect on your marriage. That’s what is different with a marriage therapist.

You know, one partner may say things that cause irreparable damage and harm to the other person and could even make the marriage worse.  When they’ve studied a lot of successful marriages and successful couples, they find that a lot of them don’t even talk through their conflicts.  They just have the acceptance of energy that there will be disagreements and won’t agree on everything and that these things will occur from time to time.

Also these couples will have a very good system to just let this pass and to let them go whereas sometimes in therapy when done from the individual therapist’s perspective, you can actually make these conflicts bigger and you can magnify these issues and problems and you can make them worse.

So what you want when you select a marriage therapist, knows what his doing, has been in the situation before and someone you have the confidence that they can get your marriage back on track which is the goal.

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There are so many different types of marriage seminars nowadays that it’s almost impossible to find which is right for you, right?

Marriage seminars are usually worth every penny if you go to the right one.  It’s not a hit or miss affair: there are things you can look for beforehand to ensure that you are going to a good seminar vs. one that is basically there for a psychiatrist to extract money from gullible customers.  The main thing to look for is whether or not they put success stories on their website.

So I want to give you two tips if you’re thinking of attending a marriage seminar on how you can get the most of it and how you can choose one that suits your needs best.  There are marriage boot camps, marriage seminars, getaways, and trust retreats.  You see, you can tailor your marriage seminar experience to what you need for your relationship, so the sky is the limit.

If you’re choosing a marriage seminar, one thing to be aware of is a lot of these have a religious backing so if you’re religious, make sure you choose one that connects with your beliefs on the same level you wouldn’t want to be attending one that has religious beliefs that are very contradictory to how you feel.

If you’re non-religious, well I think the last thing you want to be doing is attending very strong, religious based marriage seminar because it’s not going to be what your relationship needs right now.

The second thing is to choose a marriage seminar that’s based on the right level for your relationship is at. A marriage seminar is really a great source of growth for your relationship.

Are marriage seminars complicated?

Some of them have levels – level one might be a marriage that’s just undergoing a few challenges and both participants want to help the marriage grow and develop whereas they may have level five, which is for couples very close to divorce who or who are already separated.

So you want to make sure you choose the marriage seminar that’s kind of based on where your relationship is at because this is going to play a pretty big part in getting the information that helps you best.

You know if you’re just undergoing a couple of difficulties and you go to a marriage seminar full of people who are ready to even divorce each other or kill each other, it might not be the best environment.  I actually was stuck at such a seminar and I wanted to run screaming from it.  Just find the right environment.

One thing that can really stand in the way of your marriage growing is ego and resistance and avoidance. Get the most of any marriage seminar you attend by not letting these stop things improving.  So don’t be afraid, be willing to throw yourself in the deep end. One thing with a marriage seminar is that you get out what you put in.

Consider all options, be willing to try absolutely anything and be willing to put in the effort and investment to give your marriage of a chance of being successful. Many of the people that attend a marriage seminar say that it’s a great idea.

Leave enough stern on term essentially and making sure your marriage is going to work. One thing with attending a marriage seminar is that you get given tools to use.

Often it requires effort and it requires you being willing to be outside of your comfort zone. Like most of the things in your life. One great thing about going to a marriage seminar is that you can meet other people in a similar situation. Which gives you strength.

So make a marriage seminar part of your strategy.

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It’s a good idea to have marriage counseling questions because it shows that you are serious about fixing your relationship.Marriage counseling questions to fix your relationship

If your marriage is in a bind, it may be good to ask yourself a few questions about your relationship to put your problems into perspective.  It’s always good to examine our relationships, and these questions can provide a guidepost if you feel especially stuck with how to handle a big problem in your relationship.

How many weeks do you have a fight with your spouse?

This will help you think about how often you and your spouse get into arguments.  Sometimes we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of modern life and we get angry.  If you feel that you and your partner are constantly in strife, it might be a good idea to try and remember how often you get into fights, and what those fights were about.  This moment of reflection will give you a good starting point to analyze your problems more effectively.

When you do argue, are they heated brawls or just tiffs?

Sometimes you just disagree with your spouse and other times you have screaming matches.  Not all arguments are made equal.  Do you have blowouts with your spouse every week, or do you constantly argue about little things that might not matter?  If you have huge arguments, what are they about?

How often do we have time alone?

Time alone with just the two of you is important to the health of your relationship.  Married couples still need to go out on dates and have some romance.  It breaks up the monotony of the week, when you are busy with kids, work, and maintaining the household.  Be sure not to do the same old things, and experience the most out of life together.

Do we have lives outside of each other?

Some couples spend almost the entire day together, while other couples may only see each other a few times a week and be satisfied with the relationship as is.  Both can work perfectly fine, depending on the people involved and the type of marriage they have.  You need to ask yourself what your life is like away from your partner.  Do you have hobbies?  What about a career?  What are your aspirations and what goals did you have when you were younger that you have yet to meet?  A lot of times we project on our partner the regrets that we have from not doing what we wanted to do earlier in life.

Does either partner ever apologize?

Being sensitive about your partner’s feelings is key to a healthy relationship.  When you are in fact in the wrong, do you apologize, or do you let the injustice fester?  It’s always healthy to treasure your partner’s feelings.

These are just some marriage counseling questions that you can use to fix your relationship.  A simple quiz is no replacement for a paid professional, especially if you feel your marriage is plagued with problems you yourself cannot solve.  Yes, it’s expensive, but the investment can pay off for a lifetime.

Since you’ve read about how to work on your relationship, I’d like to point you to more FREE content to help you get back all those feelings of desire and passion. Learn how to rewind your relationship and make it more satisfying. You just need to know one simple secret and my FREE video presentation will show you how. Click here NOW to take back your relationship. You and your lover deserve true happiness TODAY.

Marriage counseling shouldn’t be a last resort, it should be your go to when you and your spouse need help.  Don’t wait until things have already fallen apart.

Your marriage needs a doctor, stat!  You are arguing, fighting, and generally do not look forward to coming home and seeing each other.  This can lead to frustration and anxiety that can spill out into the rest of our life and ruin the enjoyment we get from our job, our family, and our friends.  This is not what marriage is supposed to be, so if you are thinking about getting a marriage counselor, then I highly recommend it before it’s too late.

Of course, couple’s fight and have disagreements.  It’s a healthy part of being assertive and respecting oneself.  You do not want to be a doormat!  However, if we think that our relationship has been poisoned, then you might need a counselor.  Marriage counselors are not miracle workers and they won’t always tell you what you want to here, but that’s not the point.  If relationships were easy then everyone would have a happy one.   They are work, and sometimes, if we hit snags, we need someone to help.

Marriage counselors are often not as costly as you might think.  Beware of the ones that charge outrageous fees.  They offer a lot, but leave you with a fat bill.  Some of the best marriage counselors are affordably priced and offer a wide range of services.  One of the biggest ways to cut down on costs is to go on a marriage retreat.  Marriage retreats offer couples therapy, which is a big way to cut down on costs and get a vacation out of the deal.

Some people wonder what their marriage counselor will ask them to do.  Will it be worth the time and effort?  If you value your marriage as much as you did when you were newly wed, then the answer to that question should be a no brainer!  You should do what it takes to keep your marriage alive, and the advice I got from my marriage counselor when things were going wrong in my marriage gave me the will to keep going.

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What is the main reason you are looking for marriage builders?

What are marriage builders?  Marriage builders are little exercises that you can do daily, weekly, and monthly, to help build the bond between you and your spouse.  Marriage is an ongoing process, and marriage builders are just the thing to keep your relationship going. Remember, try to do these little exercises as often as you can.

Congratulate your partner

Yes!  You have to show your partner that you are grateful to have them in your life.  Now, you do not need to gush over them.  I gave this marriage builder exercise to a couple I knew way back when, and they started to thank each other for every single little thing they did for each other.  What you should do is find ways to congratulate your partner for things they do for you that are genuine.

One of the big things you have to watch out for in a relationship is feeling like you’re not appreciated.  We get stuck in a routine and forget that our partner is there for us, to enrich our lives and make us feel alive.  Never forget that!

Be Assertive and Caring

Proper assertiveness in a relationship goes a long way in fostering respect.  You cannot have a healthy relationship that isn’t founded on a basis of mutual respect.  If your spouse sees you as a pushover or as someone who will just do as commanded, then respect is not there and you may find that your partner is galavanting around town with someone else.  I’m sorry to say that, but it’s the hard truth.

Another great marriage builder is to have a date night once a month.  You have to keep the magic in your relationship alive, and having a date night can keep things moving.  Go out to eat, go to a carnival, do anything that you used to do before you were married, because this will keep the spark and the magic alive.  Remember, marriage cannot become drudgery and it cannot become a bore.

Marriage builders keep the engine of your relationship in tip top shape!

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