Marriage Advice

If you go to the bookstore, then you’ve probably seen hundreds of books on fixing your marriage.  How do you cut through the garbage and find just the right book for you?

You’re probably looking for a book right now to help you with your marriage. I’ll  give you a mini marriage book to help you turn things around.  You see, it’s not the size of the book that matters.  You need books written by hard hitting authors who have been through the pain of having marriage problems to give you just the right perspective on your problems.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman

This is the book that really got me on track and I would say it’s also responsible for setting me on the path to being a relationship guru.  It’s just that good. I was having problems with my marriage.  Each day was a new fight, a new piece of conflict and it was so difficult.  Then I learned that love had a special language and I just wasn’t communicating in it.

You see, one of the big themes on this site is the idea that relationships are fluid, dynamic, ongoing relationships.  The gasoline for relationships is constant communication.  This requires confidence and trust.  You want to use the language of love to reaffirm your trust and your commitment to your mate.

This book made me learn that when I said things to my significant other, I was actually communicating something quite different, which was the basis for the constant misunderstandings and fights.  This book really freed me and helped me understand that love is its own for communication.

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger

I am usually skeptical of pop authors who appear on the relationship shows and peddle their sugar coated drivel on television.  Relationships are hard work, and anyone who says otherwise is trying to sell you something.  This book seemed in that same vein, but for some reason I gave it a chance, just to think if I’d be surprised.

I was!  It’s important not to focus too much on ourselves in a relationship.  I wanted to see how marriage operated from the female perspective, and this book was a sufficiently open window into the female psyche.  I’d have to say that this book let me see how women engage with relationships, which really helps me give well rounded advice.

Get these books as soon as you can, and see how they can change your life.

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If you are looking for marriage advice then you are probably dealing with some difficulties in your marriage right now. That’s fine.  You don’t have to be an unhappy couple for too much longer.  

Being unhappy in your relationship is never good, but it can be repaired if you decide that your relationship is worth saving.  Some couples stay together despite the fact they’re unhappy, a lot of times because they feel there is little they can do and they do not want to end their relationship and go on to someone else.  Unhappy couples are in that special relationship gray area, and with my help, you can get back up to speed in no time.

One of the big things that keeps people from being happy is placing completely unrealistic expectations on themselves and expecting a perfect world.  If you’re constantly thinking about why your relationship doesn’t “stack up,” then you could easily be missing out on all the great parts of your relationship that are staring you square in the face.  Let me share with you a little story:

I had two friends, both of whom I knew for a long time, and were in a long term relationship.  On the surface, everything was going perfect, but the boyfriend eventually hit a slump and told me that his girlfriend didn’t seem to have much interest in the relationship anymore.  He said she seemed distant, aloof, and preoccupied most of the time.  Since she and I were friends, I tried to diplomatically ask how her relationship was going.

It seemed she thought that they should’ve been further along as a couple.  She felt that she deserved to live in a bigger house.  She thought that he wasn’t as built as other men, and that they weren’t living in the city that she wanted.  I kept listening to her as honestly as I could, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that she thought her boyfriend was supposed to be a body builder, a corporate titan, and a sensitive artist, all rolled into one.  No one could be happy with unrealistic expectations of this magnitude!

What to do, then?  I talked with her, and really tried to dig into her psyche to see why she was projecting so much on her boyfriend.  After all, as far as boyfriends go, he wasn’t bad at all.  She revealed she was disappointed in the way her own life had turned out, and she thought that a boyfriend would bring her all the happiness in the world.  Life doesn’t work like that, and breaking out of that mold requires some growing up.  Do you think about  your relationships in an adult manner?

Now that you’ve contemplated marriage advice for unhappy couples, check out my FREE video presentation that shows you how to rewind your relationship and be happy again. Click here NOW to learn the secret to a blissful relationship.

If you need to make up with your partner there are some do’s and don’ts to consider.  

So, you and your significant other have had a big blow out, and now you want to know the best way to makeup so that you can move on with your lives?  Well, good!  There are some things you need to keep in mind when making overtures to your mate, because while you can easily repair your relationship and get back on trap, you do run the risk of setting yourself up for another big argument.

First off, I hope you have not been brooding and have gone back to your routine and living life.  Fights happen in couples.  There’s nothing strange about it, and most certainly nothing to halt your life.  If you’re ready to include your significant other back in your life, then it’s time to make the first overture if they have not already done so.

Now, depending on the nature of your argument there are all sorts of way to let your partner know that “Hey, I want to restart our relationship and move past this bit of ugliness.”  It could be as simple as a phone call or a visit to see your partner after work.  If you are genuinely in the wrong, then do not be afraid to apologize with a gift or to simply say “I’m sorry.”  Those two words have healed so many relationships!

If you had a really horrible argument and you do not feel confident that your partner will just start from scratch, then it’s not a bad idea to schedule some time to sit down with them.  Most fights start because of some misunderstanding and a lot of times it’s where one side isn’t honest enough with the other.  We’re so afraid to hurt the people we love that we hold things back, but make the situation worse in the long run.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever gave a friend was to try and turn an apology meeting into a date.  My friend invited his girlfriend to see a waterfall.  The scene was romantic, and a lot of the problems they experienced just melted away once they got away from the world of stress, cell phones, and angry bosses.  Changing your environment is a strategy that works.

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If you’re having marriage difficulties, there is something you can do.
Marriage Difficulties - Useful advice that can help you if your marriage is in trouble

No one ever said marriage would be perfect, and few relationships are.  When you’re facing marriage difficulties, there are a few things you can do to preserve your marriage and bring order back to your life. The first thing to do is to be honest with yourself as to what is truly the problem.

One major problem in marriages is if there is a difference in the sexual needs of both partners.  One partner may have a high sex drive and want to make love more often than the other.  Maybe you feel hurt that you have to shun your partner’s advances, and make them feel you don’t want them sexually.  You love your partner, but you just do not want to make love as often as they would like, and it’s starting to become a problem.  This causes a rift in many relationships, one that you don’t want to cause.  It may be time to expand your horizons and explore your sexuality more.

We often let the stresses of modern life make us feel we can put sex off, or that there are more important things to do. 

Nothing could be further from the truth.  The intimacy you share with your partner is the core of your relationship and you must do what it takes to save it.    If your job or a big project is making you feel stressed, then put it down and take out some time to spend with your significant other, just the two of you.  You don’t necessarily have to do something grand, like go to a tropical island.

Even the simplest dates, like walking through a park or doing an activity that you can bond over, go a long way in rebuilding a relationship that’s been mired in domestic drudgery.  Once you are relaxed and not thinking about the next deadline or your bosses face on Monday morning, you’ll find being intimate with your partner much more natural.

Sometimes intimacy is not the problem in a marriage.  Maybe you feel like you and your partner are reliving the same day over and over again. 

Routines are good, but too much can lead to boredom and stagnation, and that’s not what endeared you to your partner in the first place.  It’s time to spice it up, and not just in the bedroom.  In these cases you’ll have to do something very much out the ordinary.  Some couples go to exotic locales while others take up new hobbies that they can enjoy together.

Try and do something that involves meeting other couples, or dressing up and going someplace elegant. 

Some couples take up ballroom dancing, which is a romantic activity where you can dress up, go on an adventure, and break up your routine.  If you are outdoorsy, then visiting a scenic spot and going happy can be a romantic trip and rekindle your relationship.  Anything that gets you out of the house and away from the daily grind.

Learning how to save a sexless marriage can be overwhelming, but it is very possible…

So you’re stuck in a sexless marriage, and as each day passes you don’t see any way out.  That’s normal.  So many people in sexless marriages feel like they’re trapped and that each day is just another chapter in the book of loneliness.  There is a way out, but it’s hard, and it will test the limits of your trust and closeness to your spouse.  If you’re ready to take the journey, then read on.

If you are the one in the relationship that wants to make love, but are rebuffed, then do not blame yourself.  It is so important that you do not blame yourself.  Hating yourself or thinking that somehow there’s something about you that is causing the problem is not the way we save a sexless marriage.  Your partner wanted you at one point.  You were married for a reason, and you wanted each other physically at one point.  That means it can happen again.

As always, I advocate for a cool headed approach to solving relationship problems.  That’s why I tell you not to blame  yourself.  If you don’t blame yourself, then you will be in the right mindset to solve this problem.  So, why does your spouse not want to make love?  Is it because they’re too tired?  Do they give excuses, saying that they just don’t feel like it, or they have to work early tomorrow?

If this is the case, you may need to help them reorganize their life so that they don’t have these impediments in their life any longer. This can happen when we juggle a career with kids among the hundreds of other things that come up during the course of a normal life.  It’s time you uncluttered your closet and took a good look at your partner’s life.

If you are the one that does not want to make love, then you need to look deep within yourself, and try to remember if there was any trauma in your past.  A lot of times, we lose the ability to be physically intimate with other people because of a painful past.  In women, for instance, they do not want to make love because they had been raped many years ago and compartmentalized the pain.  Do not try to take your pain and put it in a box.  It needs to be dealt with.

I know that was scary, but it’s true.  There are many sexless marriages where one spouse was hurt as a child, and learned to deal with the pain in their daily life.  They never had a chance to examine it or deal with it because the opportunity never came out.  Now that they’re married, the need for physical intimacy has come up, and now they have to deal with their pain.  If this describes you, it’s time to see a psychiatrist.

Saving a sexless marriage is not impossible if both parties are honest with themselves and do not resort to the blame game.  It can never help.

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One thing about marriage conferences is that not too many people know what they are.  They are quite effective at keeping a relationship healthy.

I know that new, avante garde couple’s therapy is all the rage nowadays, so I thought I’d wade into the debate.  Marriage conferences are the new way to put a spark back into your marriage, and they are billed as super serious, intense, low cost ways to deal with your marriage.  I love marriage conferences, but really, they’re basically group retreats.  So much for sticking a new name on an old practice.

Why are they simply group retreats?  Because what you do at a marriage conference is the same thing you do at a group retreat.  I know, I’ve been to both and I saw absolutely no effective difference.  How they’re marketed, though, is where the difference lies.  Marriage conferences are billed as being like a business, as if you’re networking with other couples.

What should I expect if I go on one?

There’s a huge increase in couples’ attending retreats, seminars, workshops, getting therapies, reading books, listening to audios and doing things as a couple and I think why this is occurring is because we live in the information age. I like marriage conferences because there is good information to learn that can help you.

Can a marriage conference help my struggling relationship?  

People are realizing that there’s information available in the modern day world to fix any problem, to solve any difficulty and I think people are also realizing that marriages require a constant investment and maintenance for them to be as healthy as possibly. Part of marriage conferences is teaching you those important skills.

Is it important that I go to one?

Couples are no longer leaving their relationship to the winds of fate.  They know that their relationships require constant tune ups and constant vigilance, so marriage conferences have become all the rage.  Plus, marriage conferences can be a lot of fun as they are usually on some tropical island or a mountain retreat where you can get away from the perils of modern life.

I think whole lots people are realizing marriage can take an effort, can take work, and it can take a process of growing and learning together.

This is why marriage conferences take place where a lot of couples can attend an event where there are different speakers and workshops. There’s different skills and strategies to learn.  You can start to look at your relationship as a project or a work in progress, and less as something that just happens and goes on its own.

For example I was looking at one marriage conference recently and they were teaching all the participants mindfulness.  Mindfulness is actually derived from Zen Buddhism and is a technique to clear the mind of unnecessary “noise.”

Mindfulness is a way of relaxing, meditating, living in the now, removing stress, removing anxiety and not putting so much pressure on yourself. What a great idea marriage conferences really are.

Mindfulness is about clearing your mind and enjoying life. If they teach that at marriage conferences – then make sure to go.  Mindfulness has its roots in Buddhist teachings: it’s one of the nine pillars of behavior that is supposed to lead to enlightenment.  We won’t go too much into the Buddha, but mindfulness is an excellent way to tweak your behavior for optimal results.

And I can has it a guess that if every couple out there, every married couple wants to learn mindfulness and practice it together, there would be a lot less divorces and a lot less marriage problems and this is one thing I want to encourage you to do as a couple. Part of the appeal of marriage conferences is learning skills like this – so powerful.

If you’re thinking about how to strengthen your marriage and how to make it better and how to invest in it, make it grow, look for these things called practices. I really like marriage conferences because you can learn practices that will help your marriage.

Practices are something that you never really get good at like yoga, it’s something you practice and you constantly improve and when you’re in a marriage, you want to see if you can have practices that you do together.

It could be rock climbing, it could be meditation, it could be anything at all, it might be learning a language but it can be really beneficial for you both to engage in these practices together then you’ve got something to talk about, you’ve got something to share and it can be a really cool experience when the both of you are doing these sort of things together.

That’s why when I researched marriage conferences recently and I saw how they’re running mindfulness classes for couples, I thought it was just one of the best ideas I’ve ever seen.

If you are thinking about checking out marriage conferences – then definitely do it. Going to marriage conferences will really help your relationship. It has to.

With your understanding of marriage conferences, learn more with my FREE video presentation. It’ll teach you how to ALWAYS keep the sparks flying. Understanding the 4 secret stages of a breakup gives you a roadmap to success. Click here NOW to learn the key secret that makes it all possible.

It’s pretty confusing figuring out how to pick a couples therapist…

A good couples therapist is hard to find.  Believe me, there are plenty of hacks and quacks who will gladly take a few hundred up front and regurgitate what they read from the latest psycho babble book they found on the bookstore shelf. But here’s the real deal: couples therapists who are good and get results don’t seem like the type.  They seem less successful than they really are and are way more low key than you might expect.

How do you separate the good ones from the bad?

Some of the best couples therapists I’ve had the pleasure of meeting had bland, simple websites with bad color schemes.  They didn’t have a book they were hawking or a retreat they were trying to put together that would extract money from their hapless customers.  No, they had a full client lists and were booked for weeks because they got results.  Here are some things you need to look for in a couples therapist.

You see, what you want is someone who will offer intensive therapy one on one.  You also want a therapist who makes it clear from the get go that they are not offering magical elixirs to fix your woes.  You are looking for someone that will really work with you, but also someone that knows that some relationships are better off ending.  You are looking for what is best for you, whatever that leads to.  That’s what you want, and if a therapist offers that, they are worth every dime.

What should I expect when I go to see one?

Couples therapy is a very intense experience.  You are going to be peering into aspects of your psyche that you never thought you’d ever experience.  It’s really difficult to condense all of the many sensations and ideas you will be going through during couples therapy, but rest assured, you will not be the same person afterwards.

Taking action is the key to pretty much everything in life. To regain those initial sensual feelings you had when you first hooked up you need to take action and make the effort to try something new. Watch my FREE video presentation to see how to fix your relationship problems…CLICK HERE to check out the video while you still can…

Divorce Busting is a book written by Michel Weiner Davis — and it has a lot of good feedback.

It’s written by Michele Weiner Davis and it’s a book that really revolutionized a lot of the treatments on divorce but it doesn’t work for everyone. You might be seeking some divorce busting tips, and this book is a great start.  Believe me, divorce is a horrible, life changing event that you would really want to avoid at all costs.

You find that just about every divorce can be a little bit different and there’s a bit of a limitation on what a single book can do. My idea of divorce busting is to use as many techniques as you can to fix your marriage. This is because each marriage has it’s own set of problems.

As good as a book might be and as powerful as the information, it can sometimes lack some elements but it’s a start to get the problem sorted out.  There are some books that are good with dealing with adultery, while other books deal with communication problems.  Try to be specific when choosing a divorce busting book.

I think it’s a very good first step. Make divorce busting your priority by not just stopping with one book or one strategy.There’s a lot of useful information and it can get the process going, what I want to encourage you to do is to not just stop there. Do some hard-core divorce busting by leaving no stone un-turned to fix your marriage.

What the book “Divorce Busting” recommends is that we try to keep ourselves attached to the idea that our marriage will be a success.  It’s easy to take a defeatist stance when it seems there’s no way out.  All the screaming and fighting takes its toll, and sometimes we think “Well, just let the divorce happen. It’ll just be all over.”  Divorce Busting is all about taking an aggressive stance to preventing your divorce from happening.

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So you want to know the definition of a sexless relationship, you may be wondering how much is enough…

What is a sexless relationship? How do we know we’re in one?  What are the signs?  A sexless relationship is not as easy to spot as you might think.  Most people would just roll their eyes and say, “Obviously it’s a relationship where neither person is having sex.”  Well, it goes deeper than that.  Sure, one of the biggest signs of a sexless relationship is that sex is either non-existent or infrequent.

Couples in sexless relationships report having sex less than ten times per year.  That’s having sex only every couple of months!  Usually, one partner has little to no sex drive and tries to avoid their partner’s advances at all costs.  The partner that doesn’t want sex will make up excuses such as “I’m too tired,” or “I have work in the morning.”  This leaves the partner that wants to have sex out in the cold.

What are some other definitions of a sexless relationship?  Well, it’s not just all about sex.  It’s also about intimacy.  Intimacy is the feelings of closeness in a relationship, that you and your partner are a team and that you share secrets that you would never let the rest of the world know.  Intimacy is the hallmark of any relationship, and you’ll notice that in sexless relationships, basic intimacy is either rare or completely missing.

Intimacy doesn’t mean hitting the sheets.  Intimacy is kissing goodbye, holding each other in bed, cuddling, hugging, any of the little physical cues we give to our partner that says “You are special to me.”  Intimacy is long talks at night and walking with each other along the beach.  Intimacy is the glue that holds a relationship together and makes it last.

In a sexless relationship, the person who does not want to have sex feels frustrated, alone, and abandoned.  It actually might be the case that they do not express these feelings of abandonment openly for fear that their relationship would fall apart if they were to talk openly about what was bothering them.

Now that you know the definition of a sexless relationship, you can identify whether or not you are in one and take appropriate action.  Remember, a sexless relationship is not sustainable in the long run.  A relationship without sex is doomed to failure from the very beginning.

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You might be wondering if couples therapy costs are worth the investment…

Couples therapy does not come cheap, especially since you want a quality professional who will be able to work through difficult situations with sensitivity and have the experience of working with many different types of relationships.  If you are seriously considering couples therapy, then you already know how important this moment in your life is, and you do not want to leave your future to an amateur.  Be sure to thoroughly research any psychiatrist or psychologist beforehand and pay special attention to their credentials and previous experience.

Couples therapy can run you anywhere from $75 to $150 an hour on average.  This is really expensive if you consider that most of your sessions will be at least two hours, depending on how much work is needed in your relationship.  You’ll most likely be seeing your therapist weekly, so you may end up spending at least $400 a month on couples therapy.

Do your homework before choosing a professional!

This is why it is so important to do research on your therapist to be sure they are really worth the money.  It’s not hard to find a good therapist, especially if you live in a city, so don’t be afraid to ask probing questions.  For instance, you could ask about the number of couples the psychologist sees on average, and their overall success rate.  It might be hard to talk to couples who have gone to couples therapy to get their opinion, as most people want to remain private, but there is a chance and it can offer insight into what you can expect.

If couples therapy costs really weight on your mind, you might try a retreat or group therapy.  The rates are usually reasonable, since it’s a group, but it may lack the intensity and intimacy of a one on one session.  On the other hand, if you are in need of a vacation, and just want to get away from it all, the cost of a couples retreat is really not so bad. Most couples retreats are located in very scenic spots, like the hills of northern California, or rustic Wyoming.  Some retreats are tropical and feel more like a romantic getaway vacation than a therapy session.  Usually, these retreats costs anywhere from $500-$1,500, maybe even more depending on the locale.

You need to put the health of your marriage before money, so if you feel that you could profit from a couples retreat, you can find one that will fit your budget and leave you with a stronger, longer lasting relationship.

Now that you’ve learned about marriage counseling costs, I’d like to show you a short video that will help you rekindle all those blissful flames of desire you once had with your lover. It’s possible to rewind your relationship and make it better than ever before. You just need to know one simple secret and my FREE video presentation will show you how. Click here NOW to revitalize the passion in your relationship. You owe it to yourself…and your lover.