Marriage Counseling

Maybe you’ve been struggling for a while or maybe the fights, the distance, and the confusion is relatively new. Either way, if you find yourself wondering whether or not you need marriage counseling, you may. Marriage counseling is more common than you might think. Many couples each year choose to attend marriage counseling to hopefully improve their relationship. The decision to enter marriage counseling will depend not only on your thoughts, but on those of your partner.

Marriage counseling is a partner process. It involves both partners showing up and being committed to the process. In marriage counseling, the psychologist or therapist, is not interested in saving the relationship or destroying it. It’s important to realize that the therapist is looking to help you and your partner explore both paths. They are looking to find the ways in which your relationship is weak and fragmented. They will help you identify ways in which you could fix your relationship, but you may decide that you don’t want to fix your relationship. Some marriages end after marriage counseling because both partners decide that they don’t want to fight for the relationship. They feel the differences are too large and they feel they would happier apart. This is sometimes why marriage counseling is said “not to work” or to be “about splitting up relationships” rather than a way to save a marriage. The truth is that it’s all about your marriage. It isn’t about the therapist and a good therapist knows this.

If you are considering entering marriage counseling, you need to first think about the commitment required. If you and your partner are not committed to being open, honest, and willing to try new things…therapy will be unsuccessful. The goal with marriage counseling is to help couples make thoughtful decisions about strengthening their relationship or ending it. It is most helpful to have a person who can listen to the problems that face you and your partner, and then provide unbiased feedback. Your therapist will be like a moderator in a business meeting, someone who is not partial to either side and hoping to help you resolve the matters at hand. These sessions may be intense, difficult, and emotional. The work accompanying therapy will require effort and it isn’t easy. I can promise you that if you find a competent therapist who specializes in marriage counseling and you put forth the time, effort, and commitment to the work, you will find yourself where you need to be.

There are no definitive answers to the question, “When is it time to enter marriage counseling?” The answer lies with you and your partner. If there are problems in your relationship that you would like to resolve, then go. Couples therapy is often short-term and a few sessions may leave you with renewed energy and conflicts resolved. If you find that you and your partner cannot work through a particular problem, seek help before you find yourself in a bad place. If you are already in a bad place within your marriage, seek help before it ends on its own. Entering marriage counseling keeps you in control of your relationship by helping you to explore all of the possible options available to you and your partner.

What I recommend to do if you have a fight with wife is to turn your normal strategy upside down.

Fighting with your wife?
Talking to the hand is not getting on her wavelength!

You’ve probably had fights with your wife when you were dating, so is handling it really so different when you’re married?  It can be.

Always remember to remain firm and assertive.  You do not want your wife to lose respect for you by thinking you’ll just agree with her on everything and do whatever she says.  You’re married because she was attracted to you for being a man, so do not think just because you and she are married that you suddenly have to agree with everything.  Remember, being assertive does not mean being a jerk.  It’s just means you understand your own boundaries.

If you find yourself having lots of fights with your wife, then you need to take a moment, calm down, and think through the situation logically.  Is she just releasing stress and you get goaded into having a fight?  Is she criticizing you and thinks you aren’t providing enough for the family?  Does she think you go with your friends too much.  You need to think about the fight from her perspective, but always remember to maintain your own boundaries and what you want.

Sometimes women see men as projects, they think they can change you the way they want to change you.  Now that you’re married, she may think that her project is complete, but then you remind her that you’re your own man.  She may try to push again to get you to change your behavior, but then you don’t go along with it.  In these cases, remain firm so long as your behavior is not having a negative effect on yourself.

Sometimes women think you spend too much time out with your friends, at the bar, or doing other things besides being home and caring for your family.  Now that men work more and have more demanding careers, it might be not possible for you to take less time at work to be with your family.  If you find that you almost never see your kids and your wife is left home alone a lot though, it might be time to rethink your career and make a change.  Think about what your life might be like in 20 year and really consider if your job is worth not seeing your children grow up.  This will help put things in perspective, and maybe your wife’s criticisms won’t seem so harsh.

If your wife is starting a lot of unnecessary fights and you’re wondering why your relationship is now filled with stress and strife, there may be infidelity afoot.  Sometimes, when one partner cheats on the other, they feel guilty for their infidelity and act out in their main relationship.  Keep an eye on your partners activities and make sure that this is not the case.

Now that you’ve learned how to deal with fights, I’d like to show you a short video that will help you rekindle all those blissful flames of desire you once had with your lover. It’s possible to rewind your relationship and make it better than ever before. You just need to know one simple secret and my FREE video presentation will show you how. Click here NOW to revitalize the passion in your relationship. You owe it to yourself…and your lover.

Question: My husband had an affair and I’m wondering what I should do with our relationship? Should I stay married to him or leave him? He said it was just a one time thing and he was drunk. I don’t know. I’m worried it may continue. I mean, my husband had an affair! What should I do?

Answer: This is a tough situation. No matter which way you look at the situation, your husband cheated on you and had an affair. It’s difficult to trust him now because he lied once. It’s possible that he could lie again. Yet – you are considering staying with him. So there must be a part of you that still loves him.  This can be hard to shake, I know, but you have to put your feelings aside and really think about whether or not you can forgive him.

There are no easy answers with a situation like this. I would recommend first and foremost, that you spend a little time away and think about this situation privately. You need to evaluate your feelings by yourself without ANYONE (your husband, your parents, your friends, etc) influencing you. If you have children this may be difficult. You may need to tell them that you are going to an event in another city for a few days.

Once you go away and come back, hopefully you will have cleared your head enough to make a decision. If your husband is truly remorseful and still loves you, then he will understand your need for space. He will also be waiting when you get back.

Taking some time off also has the added effect of letting him think about what he’s done.  If it was really spur of the moment, then he might be feeling extremely ashamed and might not want to talk to you out of fear that pressing the issue too soon may exacerbate an already tense situation.  If he’s not apologetic, and instead took the time to continue his behavior, well I think you have your answer now.

If you think, even for a moment, that he might return to his old ways, then you need to leave him.  It will work in the long run, and you may have to do it even with all the complications of children, a house, and a job, but your safety and emotional security are paramount.

Whatever you do, it’s important to understand that you need to make this decision for yourself. Don’t consider what everyone else would like you to do. This is about you and you should be the only one making this kind of life-changing decision for yourself. Never let your future be in someone else’s hands. Keep it firmly within your own hands.

Now that you’ve learned what to do in a difficult situation like an affair, check out my FREE video presentation that shows you how to rewind your relationship to avoid situations like these. Click here NOW to learn the secret of a happy, fresh, and faithful relationship.

Three Tips to Help You Repair Your Marriage!

These are three guiding principles that help make marriages strong, healthy and complete. If you want to repair your marriage, then these three principles are your answer.  Yes, it can be just that simple!

The first principle is listening. Start to repair your marriage by really listening.

To be part of a happy marriage, you need to have excellent listening skills. Many people make the mistake of thinking of listening as a passive skill. It’s actually an active skill. It involves different uses of your memory, facial expressions as well as prompting words and questions based on what you have heard. You have to be present when you are listening. It isn’t a time to tune out or listen to your own thoughts.

Here’s an exercise.  The next time your spouse begins a conversation, try to make notes in your mind about what he or she is saying.  This gets you “in” the conversation so to speak.  Your spouse will notice immediately that you are interested in what they’re saying, and they will, in turn, be more interested in you!

The better you are at listening, the more your partner will share. The more your partner shares, the more ideas you’ll have for solutions to repair your marriage.

The second important aspect of a healthy, happy marriage is to create and use healthy habits that will enable you to repair your marriage.

Think about these habits much like a fitness program. We all know that the way to have a healthy body is by doing daily exercise.  If we let a muscle go without exercise too long, it begins to atrophy.

the way to repair your marriage and make it healthy is by implementing healthy daily habits.

I personally like to the park every morning and do my fitness outdoors. I make time for my fitness routine because I know how important it is for my body. With your relationship, you have to make the time everyday for your partner. You need to show your partner how much you care about them. They need to feel intimacy, closeness, physical touch and that you are truly sharing in honest communication with them.

The stronger your daily fitness in your relationship, the stronger your relationship will be and the wish to repair your marriage will become a reality.

And the third thing that is very important is developing a clear communication strategy.  It’s like an advertising firm.  You have a product you want to sell.  You want people to clearly understand why your product is the best, and why they should buy.  Relationships are very similar.

You want to have systems and structures in place for regular communication. You want to be able to share your difficulties and concerns with your partner. Then the two of you can work on these issues together as a team.

Follow these three principles and your marriage will be bullet proof.

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if your marriage is teetering on the brink, then I can give you some advice that may just save it.

Without knowing your personal situation, my methods of how to stop a divorce may not work for you, but the principle is the same and so many people have come to me, asking for me to give them something they could use to prevent their marriage from falling to pieces.  Marriage is a blessing once people have it.  No one wants to see it disintegrate before their very eyes.  Do not despair and do not worry, there is something that you can do.

Part of fixing the problem is to be completely serious about getting your spouse back.  Some people just think that problems fix themselves.  They say that “Time heals all wounds,” but when it comes to preventing divorce, that adage is far from useful.  You’ve taken the first step by reading this article, but don’t think that you can save your marriage by not taking proactive steps.

Like most of my relationship advice, I always favor a calm, level head as far as problem solving is concerned.  This is very hard, especially when we’re trying to save our marriage. It’s an emotional time.  We feel lost and alone, maybe even angry that much of what we’ve worked for has now gone away.  Now is not the time for panic.  Panic will lead you to make a mistake.  Panic will cause you to push your spouse further and further away, which is the last thing that you want.

Find the problem.  Is it finances?  Is it the pressure of daily living?  Is it jealousy?  Has there been infidelity?  Do not let your emotions send you into a maelstrom.  Now is the time for clearheaded thinking.  If the divorce is impending because of your lifestyle, then change it, drastically.  If you have to make extra money on the side for a new vacation, or let your spouse take some time off work to collect themselves, then that’s just what’s going to have to happen.

A lot of the people who come to me for advice marvel at how simple it sounds, and wonder if it works.  After all, preventing a divorce should be magical.  It isn’t.  A pending divorce means that the fundamentals to your relationship have broken down.  You have to restore them if you want a functional relationship.  If your car’s engine is broke, no amount of sorcery is going to replace fixing the motor.

Same thing with your relationship.  If you’re not having enough sex, then read my articles about how to steam it up in the bedroom.  If you think there’s infidelity, I give advice on how to find out and how to deal with it.  Also, a word of warning: some relationships cannot be repaired.  Sometimes you do not want to prevent a divorce.  In fact, it might be better for you to just move on.  It’s all up to you though.

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If you want to save a marriage then you need to remember what life was like when you were first married.  It’s not as hard as you might think!

If you want to know how to save a marriage, then you probably know that there aren’t any easy answers and everyone’s situation is different.  If you feel like you are at divorce’s door, then you may feel desperate and uneasy about life and want things to return to the way they were before your life took a turn for the worse.  Maybe you’re facing divorce because of infidelity, or maybe finances and the stress of work have taken their toll.  There are some things you should think about.

Part of remembering what life was like when you were first married is to rekindle the very emotions that strengthened your marriage in the first place.  All too often I get emails from people who have forgotten the magic of getting married, and just needed to be reminded of what brought them together in the first place.  I might have some unique ideas to do this.

Go back to the place where you first met.  Was it a restaurant?  Was it in a special place?  it’d be great you could relive the story of how you and your significant other first fell in love.  This will invoke all of the emotions about your marriage that have been dormant for so long.  They will awaken, and you can start saving your marriage.  You see, if you are asking yourself how to save a marriage, it means that you’ve forgotten the bedrock of your marriage, and you need to revisit it: literally.

You see, marriage starts off with magic and then it wanes.  It happens to everyone. The magic doesn’t seem to last forever.  We get into a routine.  This is practically the death of marriage.  We wake up, we go to work, and then we spend the evening doing mundane things.  There’s no adventure in that kind of life.  This is why a marriage soon loses its flavor, and then we are feeling distant and as if life has taken a turn for the worse.

Identify where you and your spouse are feeling the most distant.  Do you not see each other enough?  It’s easy to let your career or life pull you apart when you should be relying on each other for strength.  It might be difficult to be more vulnerable to your spouse, but in many cases, you can save a marriage by renewing the feels that you had for each other when you were first married, and learn to rely on each other as you once did.

Talk to each other!  You’d be surprised how many marriages go to pot because one of the spouses doesn’t let out their feelings.  Your spouse cannot help you if you say nothing.  Problems fester, and what could have been is always hanging over your head.  If you’re really wondering about how to save a marriage, then you need to communicate.

One sure fire way to save a marriage is to go to a marriage retreat.  The best retreats are the intensive ones where you and your spouse sit down with a marriage specialist, a licensed therapist, who will look at your whole relationship and use their experience and wisdom to help you both select the best life path.   These retreats are intense.  Expect to really delve deep into your marriage problems and even into your past.  Be forewarned, though, marriage retreats are not necessarily always going to save your marriage.  Sometimes, if it’s best that you and your partner separate, then the specialist may recommend that.

The key to saving a marriage is to remember all the different things that brought you and your spouse together.  It’s easy to despair and say that everything is going to fall apart, but there was a bond between you and your spouse in the beginning, and more many people, it’s all about rekindling the passion and the connection that made your marriage work in the first place.

If the love you have is real, then it will last through any bad patch.

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What is the time when should you go to couples therapy?When Should You Go to Couples Therapy

The key to knowing when should you go to couples therapy is realizing the level of your current problems. You might wonder should you go to couples therapy at this point or wait… well, can you solve this on your own?

Try sitting down and talking openly with each other. Talk about your problems and ideas for solutions. Wait a week. See what happens. Is it working? If it isn’t, it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed to fail. It merely means that you haven’t found the root causes of your issues and couples therapy can help.

Couple’s therapy is very good at pinpointing exactly what is going wrong and helping you to create a plan to fix it. When should you go to couples therapy depends on your feelings and your personal situation. Trust your instinct.

You didn’t arrive on this page by accident. It’s likely you need to go now.

Sometimes when you’re in a relationship you can get confused, you can have conflicts and you can be unsure exactly what’s causing a problem or what to do about it. Often it can be very beneficial to talk about things with an objective person.

A lot of times relationships have struggles. It isn’t always smooth-sailing as you probably already know. It can be difficult to know what to do or what is causing the problem. It’s most likely on a deeper level that you cannot find on your own. When should you go to couples therapy is… when you find that you are unable to fix the issues on your own.

It’s important when you are asking when should you go to couples therapy, that you recognize that earlier is better. Don’t let it wait until it becomes extremely difficult to fix.

Sometimes if you leave problems too long, they start to fester and end up becoming almost like a cancer in your relationship. When should you go to couples therapy? Now, before it’s too late. Sooner rather than later is an excellent principle. Take action. Don’t sit and wait.

so you use couples therapy as a way to let problems out in the open, to talk about them, to flush them out, to think about positive ideas and use it as a means to approach your relationship from a very assertive and powerful place. It’s a sign of intelligence to make up your mind about – when should you go to couples therapy? – and to go and do it.

How can I save my marriage today?Save my marriage today!

If you find yourself asking this question then continue reading this article because I’m going to give you THREE principles that will help you to save your marriage today. Well, maybe not necessarily today.  It really depends on how troubled your marriage is, but these three principles will go a long way for you.

First, set some goals for your marriage. Think about the next week, three months, or twelve months. Start envisioning what your marriage will look like at those points in the future.  This will help you take the long view and develop a plan.

Will this really help me to save my marriage today? Yes.

Most people don’t set goals for themselves, even for important things like their own marriage!  Have you thought about where you want your marriage to be, even a week from now?

“So in order to save my marriage today, I need to have a plan?”

Absolutely.  Those that think ahead, win.

Next, I want to encourage you to keep an open mind when looking at your relationship problems. Marriage exists so that both people can grow from it.  Stop thinking just about yourself, and try to look at things from your partner’s perspective.  Are they enjoying the marriage?  Do they feel that they are moving ahead, trying out new things, and going out on all the adventures you two talked about in your most romantic of moments?  If not, start working on that!  Which leads me to my next principle…

Fix your communication skills. If your marriage is in need of saving, then chances are you suffer from having poor communication skills.  Don’t feel bad, a lot of people do. Open up the lines of communication by being honest with yourself and be sincere when you ask your partner questions. Really listen to what he or she says before responding.

Remember throughout this entire process to remember that there are no right answers but the ones that feel good.  Listen to  your heart.  Don’t ignore yourself. You need to become more confident, happier and improve your own quality of life. You directly influence your relationship and all of this “good” in your life will dramatically change your marriage. If you implement these changes, then you won’t need to ask “How do I save my marriage today?” because you’ll be saying “I’m so glad I was able to save my marriage today!”

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If you want to stop divorce now then time is of the essence.  You need a game changer, and you need it NOW.

The way you’ve been thinking about marriage, isn’t working.

Maybe you’re stuck in a rut or maybe you’ve let problems in your marriage reach a boiling point, and now you have absolutely no idea what to do next.  This happens to a lot of couples, and you do not need to let this crisis consume you.  You can empower yourself.  You can stop your divorce now, as of right this second, if you follow some of these tested ideas.

1. Halt any stressful activities and slow down

Stress makes everything worse.  It can make arguments fiercer and it can make hurt feelings unbearable.  If you are leading a stress filled life, you will need to take a few days off to get your head together.  If work is unbearable, take a week off.  If your kids are too much, send them to their aunt’s.  You and your spouse have to be laser focused on each other during this time, or it falls apart.

2. Stop the blame game

One of the biggest reasons couples reach the boiling point of divorce is because they are stuck in a pattern of blaming each other without thinking about what they’re saying.  Yes, this is a harsh indictment of what goes on in a lot of relationships, but I’ve seen it wreck people’s lives.  If you want to stop your divorce now, you cannot sit there and blame your spouse for everything.

Remember, a lot of what strains a relationship is how we choose to react to things.  It’s really about the inner game, what goes on in the mind.  Think about it this way.  If your spouse is angry all the time, do you add to the anger by reacting in a hurt manner?  Do you try to shout them down? Does that strategy ever work?  It couldn’t  possibly work!

3. Work on being a world class communicator

Get a book or take a class if need be.  Dale Carnegie has written several books on the subject and there are of course the world famous Dale Carnegie courses you can take.  You cannot have a communication breakdown now.  This would tear apart the fabric of your marriage.  You must know exactly how to not only say what you want to say, but learn to get into the head of your listener and be sure they understand you the way you want.

Misunderstandings kill relationships.  We end up saying things to satisfy our own ego without really understanding where the other person is coming from.  This is marriage poison, and if you want to stop your divorce now, you need to get on this problem pronto!

Now that you’ve read about how to stop your divorce now, check out more powerful info on how to save your marriage. My FREE video presentation shows you how to “rewind” your relationship to a better, more blissful stage. Click here NOW to see the secret behind the rewind.

You need to know how to stop divorce, and you need to know it now!  I can understand what it’s like being in full panic mode, and here are some tips you can use RIGHT NOW to stop divorce.

When a marriage is on the brink of divorce, we feel like we’re in a house of cards that’s collapsing all around us without any help in sight.  It’s all too easy to go straight into panic mode when you think your spouse is about to leave you a Dear John letter.  Don’t sit there and do nothing!  Your partner needs to know that you value the marriage to the point that you’d do anything to save it.  This is so important right now, that I want you to reread the last statement until it gets into  your soul.

Take a break from work, the kids, in laws, and everything else that you feel is an encumbrance on your marriage, and whisk yourself and your spouse away.  So often I see couples on the brink of divorce because of financial problems, family problems, illness, and other outside influences.  You cannot expect to repair and heal your relationship in a state of panic.  You might not have much money, but try to remove yourself from your old environment to see your relationship with fresh eyes.

Once you do, it’s time to take a deep breath.  You’ve done a lot to help yourself already.  Most people don’t make it this far.  What you need to do now is to be brutally honest with yourself and air out all of your grievances with your wife.  Whether it’s finances, or adultery, or any problem that you have in your relationship, you need to air your dirty laundry.  Silence is a relationship killer.  You’re essentially saying you don’t trust your partner with your thoughts or emotions.  That’s no way to stop divorce.

If you do have the money, I heartily recommend going on a marriage retreat.  Whisk yourself away to the mountains of Wyoming or touch dolphins in California.  You have to do whatever it takes at this point.  These retreats are great because you can sit down with a licensed therapist who can help you with your problems in a relaxed, stress free setting.  Do not wait to get this done, because the longer you procrastinate, the more likely you will not be able to stop your divorce.

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