There are certain things you need to think about when choosing a marriage therapist. The market is full of them, so which one is right for you?
The first thing you want to keep your mind and this is definitely the most important principle on who to choose a marriage therapist is to decide to pick someone who has specialty in marriage therapy. In fact make sure that marriage therapy is the only thing they do because the process of individual therapy and marriage therapy is very different.
You do not want someone with a degree from the University of Aruba to give you relationship advice. You also don’t want someone who is just starting their professional career or someone who has strange, far out ideas that involve magic crystals and finding your inner child. You want someone hard nosed to help you with your marriage, so don’t be afraid to ask your marriage therapist question about what their theories are.
Individual therapy is about you opening up about your feelings, bringing stuff out into the open. A marriage therapist is experienced with working to a plan. Normal therapy about honesty and about communicating what you want to talk without any judgment and often without any direction. A marriage therapist is different.
It’s up to the process of discovery where you can work with thoughts and feelings. Whereas a marriage therapist has a structure. Successful solo therapy sometimes doesn’t have a purpose to it, doesn’t even the specific direction. A marriage therapist though has a purpose – fixing your relationship. This is not a small distinction.
It’s more of an evolutionary type process in normal therapy. With a marriage therapist your relationship evolves. Marriage therapy is very different. A marriage therapist has a set goal – to help your relationship. Marriage therapy needs to start with the goal of making your marriage happy and successful. A marriage therapist is experienced with this.
In a way it’s biased, it has a type of ulterior positive motive where it wants to encourage you to get a certain result and this is what a successful and experienced marriage therapist understands. An excellent marriage therapist will work hard to make your marriage work.
They have tools and techniques to help guide you, to have experience with what you’re facing and they have certain systems and homework and formulas that can begin to rebuild and strengthen your marriage.
The problem with regular therapy is that it’s just about talking and sharing. It’s just about opening up and this can actually have a negative effect on your marriage. That’s what is different with a marriage therapist.
You know, one partner may say things that cause irreparable damage and harm to the other person and could even make the marriage worse. When they’ve studied a lot of successful marriages and successful couples, they find that a lot of them don’t even talk through their conflicts. They just have the acceptance of energy that there will be disagreements and won’t agree on everything and that these things will occur from time to time.
Also these couples will have a very good system to just let this pass and to let them go whereas sometimes in therapy when done from the individual therapist’s perspective, you can actually make these conflicts bigger and you can magnify these issues and problems and you can make them worse.
So what you want when you select a marriage therapist, knows what his doing, has been in the situation before and someone you have the confidence that they can get your marriage back on track which is the goal.
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