Marriage Counseling

It’s pretty confusing figuring out how to pick a couples therapist…

A good couples therapist is hard to find.  Believe me, there are plenty of hacks and quacks who will gladly take a few hundred up front and regurgitate what they read from the latest psycho babble book they found on the bookstore shelf. But here’s the real deal: couples therapists who are good and get results don’t seem like the type.  They seem less successful than they really are and are way more low key than you might expect.

How do you separate the good ones from the bad?

Some of the best couples therapists I’ve had the pleasure of meeting had bland, simple websites with bad color schemes.  They didn’t have a book they were hawking or a retreat they were trying to put together that would extract money from their hapless customers.  No, they had a full client lists and were booked for weeks because they got results.  Here are some things you need to look for in a couples therapist.

You see, what you want is someone who will offer intensive therapy one on one.  You also want a therapist who makes it clear from the get go that they are not offering magical elixirs to fix your woes.  You are looking for someone that will really work with you, but also someone that knows that some relationships are better off ending.  You are looking for what is best for you, whatever that leads to.  That’s what you want, and if a therapist offers that, they are worth every dime.

What should I expect when I go to see one?

Couples therapy is a very intense experience.  You are going to be peering into aspects of your psyche that you never thought you’d ever experience.  It’s really difficult to condense all of the many sensations and ideas you will be going through during couples therapy, but rest assured, you will not be the same person afterwards.

Taking action is the key to pretty much everything in life. To regain those initial sensual feelings you had when you first hooked up you need to take action and make the effort to try something new. Watch my FREE video presentation to see how to fix your relationship problems…CLICK HERE to check out the video while you still can…

Divorce Busting is a book written by Michel Weiner Davis — and it has a lot of good feedback.

It’s written by Michele Weiner Davis and it’s a book that really revolutionized a lot of the treatments on divorce but it doesn’t work for everyone. You might be seeking some divorce busting tips, and this book is a great start.  Believe me, divorce is a horrible, life changing event that you would really want to avoid at all costs.

You find that just about every divorce can be a little bit different and there’s a bit of a limitation on what a single book can do. My idea of divorce busting is to use as many techniques as you can to fix your marriage. This is because each marriage has it’s own set of problems.

As good as a book might be and as powerful as the information, it can sometimes lack some elements but it’s a start to get the problem sorted out.  There are some books that are good with dealing with adultery, while other books deal with communication problems.  Try to be specific when choosing a divorce busting book.

I think it’s a very good first step. Make divorce busting your priority by not just stopping with one book or one strategy.There’s a lot of useful information and it can get the process going, what I want to encourage you to do is to not just stop there. Do some hard-core divorce busting by leaving no stone un-turned to fix your marriage.

What the book “Divorce Busting” recommends is that we try to keep ourselves attached to the idea that our marriage will be a success.  It’s easy to take a defeatist stance when it seems there’s no way out.  All the screaming and fighting takes its toll, and sometimes we think “Well, just let the divorce happen. It’ll just be all over.”  Divorce Busting is all about taking an aggressive stance to preventing your divorce from happening.

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Couples therapy is underrated by so many so called relationship gurus on the internet.  Let me put the debate to rest: it’s essential to any relationship that’s on the rocks.  

So one of the most common problems people face in their relationships are things such as when the communication breaks down and there seems to be a bit of a gap between each person in the relationship like there’s a sense of disconnection. Couples counseling is your ticket to a bright future with your partner.  Do not be afraid to seek help!

Maybe there’s some money or financial stress or maybe someone’s starting a business or has a difficult job and that’s flowing out into the relationship. One thing with couples counseling is that you can identify these issues much better.

Maybe there’s sexual incompatibility where there’s becoming a gap between the sexual needs of both partners, perhaps you’ve lost a spark in your relationship maybe that buzz and that fire that’s just not there anymore. During couples counseling you can relight the fire.

What about if there’s a power imbalance?

Power imbalance where maybe there’s some power struggles going on or some game playing and perhaps after a while couples can actually start to live separate lives like they just go through the motions of being in a relationship but their heads aren’t really there.

There may be problems with someone’s friends or family, perhaps discussions about childhood, having children or even posts on child birth can create a lot of difficulties in a relationship and also just having different goals and different values.

So these can all cause difficulties in a relationship. Couples counseling can help resolve those.

Couples counseling is a sign that you and your partner are absolutely serious about the health of your relationship and want to invest in your future.  You’re not leaving your relationship to the winds of chance, you’ve found a professional that will help you through this rough patch in your life.

And what you want to do is be proactive about dealing with them because once you form into patterns and form into a pattern, it can be hard to get out of them. One thing about couples counseling is that you can identify these patterns and break their cycle.

Sometimes the counselor may tell you that your problems are intractable.  Sometimes, it’s better just to move on, but a good couple’s counselor knows the difference between a healthy relationship and one that is going down the drain no matter what.  A relationship needs work.  The longer you leave it, the less you do about it, usually the worst it gets. Couples counseling can help you change that.

So what you want to do is make sure that you’re constantly taking action to deal with these things and if that involves couples counseling I think it’s a good idea to do it. One thing I really like about couples counseling is how it can be powerful at giving your more motivation to improve your relationship.

Choose a counselor that has a system in place, specializes and only does couples, not individuals and someone that has a bit of advice towards making your relationship work.

Also take in any other information you can, so any books or reading material or other programs or products, use them, just invest some money into relationship, see this valuable, see this being worthy of whatever it needs to make it work because so much of your happiness is estimated to maybe up to 80% comes from your close personal relationship.

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Are you feeling desperate about your marriage?  Are you practically screaming, “Fix my marriage, PLEASE!”  I can help…

If you’re seriously wanting to fix your marriage, what you’ve really got to do is to start realizing the power of your thinking and your decision making.

You probably are starting to understand the effect of maybe making poor decisions in the past or perhaps thinking and how it led you to do things that weren’t very helpful at all. Getting to the point of wanting to fix your marriage is about realizing what you’ve done wrong in the past that has caused things to reach this point.

You have to be honest about your situation.  If your actions are the problem, then they’re the problem.  Look in the mirror first before you start blaming your spouse for everything.

So I want to encourage you be aware of how you’re approaching your marriage, how you think about being married, how you think about your wife, and see in if there’s anything that’s creating a problem.  The problem may just be in your mind!

If it’s not, and there are real problems to your relationship, relax!  Things could always be worse, and they can always be better.

Number one is learning to how to heal stress.

See, marriage difficulties cause a lot of stress and when you’re stressed you just don’t make smart decisions.  It’s true!  You don’t make intelligent decisions and you don’t always do what’s best for you. You can’t think of how to fix your marriage because your mind might be cloudy and foggy right now.  Who could concentrate staring divorce in the face?

If you want to improve your marriage, you need to release the stress, and focus on being positive.  If you are not causing the strife in your relationship, then you can focus on how to help your partner.

Being clear eyed about the problem is key.  Is your marriage under stress because you are not being intimate as much as you both would life?  Are money problems drowning you?  Are you arguing about little things because of bigger problems?

Different people respond to difficulty in very different ways, but what I encourage you to do is handle difficulty with a smile.  your relationship can come out stronger!

I’ll give you an example, in the morning I train in the park with a personal trainer.  He’s a real military type.

He makes me do pushups and run up hills and it kills me.  You know a lot of mornings I vomit, but what it does is it gives me a very positive frame of mind and I am ready to take on challenges.

Everyday I’m paying some guy to push me to the limit. I’m actually seeing the positive side of challenges.  Challenges are there to strengthen us.  

I’m actually learning that a lot of good things happen through hard work, discipline, and pain.

So it’s important for you to understand that sometimes difficulty isn’t a bad thing. Needing to fix your marriage might actually teach you some really powerful and helpful things.

Sometimes being challenged isn’t always the worst thing for you.  Fixing your marriage is just another challenge.

When you’re rebuilding your marriage, fall in love again.  Your spouse has so many qualities that made you want to be with them in the first place.  Find them again!  Discover new ones.  A big part of letting your spouse know you are serious about the relationship is never giving up.

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So you’ve just had a fight with husband and you are at a loss at what to do next?Do you fight with your husband?

Communication between men and women is difficult, but not impossible.  Fighting with your husband can be very depressing as a woman.  Most of the time it feels like you’re running up against a brick wall.  Maybe he has bad habits he won’t change, or maybe you feel you don’t spend enough time together.  Maybe you’re having more and more conflict with each passing week with your husband, and you don’t know why?

First off, you do not want to nag.  A lot of conflict in relationships occurs when the husband thinks that the wife is nagging him about things she doesn’t understand.  Try to pinpoint when and where you have your worst arguments.  Is it when he’s at his most stressed?  Husbands carry a lot of responsibility for the safety of their family and the upkeep of their home.  If he feels you are starting in on him when he gets home, it can easily start an argument.

If you’re not fighting about domestic problems then what are you arguing about?  Some married couples argue a lot about money.  It’s easy for a husband to feel insecure if he is not able to bring in enough for his family.  Maybe you’re behind on your payments, like a mortgage or a car, and you wish your husband did more.  This may be a good opportunity to start thinking about the situation from his perspective.  Does he hate his job?  Has he taken a pay cut?  If he’s working hard, but it doesn’t make ends meet, he might feel frustrated and it doesn’t help that you are adding onto the pyre.

Financial situations don’t have to bring strife between you and your husband.  Maybe it’s time you took a look at your budget and see where you can cut back.  Or maybe, you could learn to work from home and take in extra income.  When one partner is blamed for everything that goes wrong in a relationship, it’ easy for them to feel like you’re just blaming them.  Work as a team and you’ll find that you’re arguing less.

Let’s make this emphatically clear: if your husband is a substance abuser or is violent, you need to call the police and leave the relationship.  A man does not have a right to hurt his wife, and if he threatens your life, take him at his word and leave the house.  A restraining order might not be enough to keep him away, so be sure when you leave that you do it in secret and you do it for keeps.  Some women think that an alcoholic husband is okay, or that it’s just a phase.  In some cases, that’s true, a husband can overcome an addiction and repair a relationship, but if the relationship is abusive, you have to leave.

Don’t blame yourself if you are having fights with your husband.  You need to make a logical assessment of the situation and work from there.  Always be attentive, listen, and try not to blame your husband for everything.  Take a look in the mirror, and see if there are any things you can change to make the relationship last.

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Couples therapy is a good idea.  Some people wonder whether or not it’s worth the time and effort.  Some people think, “Couples Therapy – Can it Help?”  It can!

You see different people experience different things from couples therapy or what probably makes the biggest difference is how much ownership you’re taking in the process.

What do I mean by ownership?

It is how much you’re investing in the process, how much you want it to work, and the sort of level of commitment we have. Couples therapy is not a passive process where you just attend and cross your fingers and hope it works.  It involves doing exercises, activities, and it calls upon you to make a lot of decisions for your life.  Your relationship will not repair itself.

You know, are you trying to outsource making your relationship better to this therapist or are you looking to do much of the leg work yourself?I highly recommend taking this approach to this so realize that a therapist can only do too much, however much therapy you get is going to make the biggest difference to your relationship as you putting in a huge effort to make it work.

Couples therapy is not a magic solution. What it is there to provide is some ideas for you to action. Couples therapy is designed to help you help the relationship yourself.

So the sort of attitude you want to have is one of being very proactive, one of not being passive, and showing that love and initiative. couples therapy always works much better if you play an EXTREMELY active role in making it work.

So always take an elite mindset into this, always do the as many of the recommended exercises you can, invest the most into the process, being honest as open as possible. Put 110% into the couples therapy process.  Do not be afraid to try out what your therapist asks you to do.  Sometimes it’s hard. You might have to leave your comfort zone.  In fact, I guarantee you’ll have to leave your comfort zone.  If you didn’t, because couples therapy is supposed to be hard.

Not only couples therapy but also any other information you read and advice you implement into your relationship. The success of couples therapy varies from relationship to relationship mostly because different people have different levels of commitment to the process.

Don’t resist change.  Couple’s therapy will result in you changing your world view.  It will happen, just let it happen and you’ll see a big change in your life.

So I highly recommend putting as much effort into this process as you can, taking as much action, pushing as hard as possible to get the absolute best result because you’re going to get out of it what you put in.

Use couples therapy as a way of boosting your level of commitment. Then it will work.  I guarantee it.  

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Have you ever heard of the ladder theory for Couple’s Therapy?  It’s really great and it’s very easy to learn if you’re willing to put in the time.

Ladder theory is probably not the most reliable thing to base a relationship around. Often couples therapy ladder theory is used to explain why you are having problems in your relationship.  The ladder theory is based on “moving up the ladder,” meaning that when you solve one problem you immediately move up the ladder to the next.

Big problems require big solutions, but instead of spending all your energy trying  to solve a big problem all at once, you do it in steps, climbing the ladder with your spouse or significant other until the problem is solved.

The first rung of the ladder theory is cooperation.  Do you and your partner cooperate?  What big challenges have you faced together?  What problems have you overcome?  This will help you examine whether or not you’re working as a team with your spouse.  Relationship building start with cooperation.

The next rung up the ladder is called conflict.  What do you do when you and your partner have conflicts?  Do you have big blowouts that last for days with lots of angry make up sex or do you let the anger simmer?  There is no couple in the entire world that does not have problems and that does not have conflict.  What you do when conflict strikes is what’s important.

The next rung is your future.  Where do you see your relationship heading?  Will there be wedding bells in the future?  Do you see yourselves growing old together, or do you want to keep your relationship at the “just fun” level?  It doesn’t matter what specifically you want to do, it matters that you understand where you’re at and where you’re heading.

The ladder theory of couple’s therapy is a systematic way to get people to look at  their relationships in an objective manner so they smooth out problems before they ever start.  A licensed professional will take you through the entire ladder process, so sign up today with a therapist and go through the process yourself!

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Couple therapy can be a really smart move to strengthen your relationship and, if needed, it can solve any major problems that might affect your harmony.

Couple’s therapy is an investment in the health of your relationship.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a psychiatrist, books, CDs, or just making sure that you have date night once a month; there are all sorts of ways to maintain a relationship and ensure that our bond doesn’t break.  Relationships are like a bed of flowers.  It needs regular watering and love.  Without that, the garden withers away and dies.  I sound dramatic, but really, there’s nothing more important than couple’s therapy.

Do you and your spouse bicker constantly?  Do you feel like acrimony and anger are just around every corner?  I knew this couple that avoided each other almost at every turn.  I was friends with the husband, and he would tell me that they spent most of the evening away from each other, working on separate projects and generally keeping their interaction to a minimum.  I thought to myself, “What kind of marriage is that?”

I told them that their relationship needed a tune up, and right away!  There is no way that a married couple should feel that they need to be far away from each other.  Their marriage was on the rocks, but neither of them seemed to know it.  They just settled into a pattern, and that was that.

I bought the husband a series of CDs off of Amazon for him and his wife to watch.  I knew that he wasn’t going to take the initiative to do things himself, even though I tried to give the best advice I could.  Sometimes people need to hear things from strangers.  They started working on their relationship and diligently did the exercises necessary to rebuild intimacy between them.  They breathed new life into their relationship.

Even if things are going well, do not neglect couples therapy.  You may have a problem, and it may be growing bigger right under your nose without you knowing it!

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