Stopping Divorce

Close the distance.

I want to stop my divorce. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Just saying it won’t work though, you’ve got to do a lot of work to save your marriage…

There are very few magic salves to fix a marriage.  There are some guidelines though.  Think about the following when you’re considering what to do next.  My advice comes from talking with people about their marital problems.  The same problems come up more often than you might think.

1. Admit when you’re wrong. 

Your partner wants to know when you’ve messed up and they want you to acknowledge it. I know that your partner has made mistakes and they need to acknowledge those as well. Still, if you refuse to own up to your mistakes, you will send the relationship spiraling into disaster and divorce. It is a sign a maturity to admit when you’re wrong and your partner will appreciate that.  Swallow your ego, and just do it!

2. Compromise. Compromise. Compromise.

This is something that we hear all the time but we ignore. It’s important to remember that compromising is necessary. It’s the only way that both of you can be happy. And marriage is all about compromise.  If you really want to know how to stop your divorce and save your marriage, you must learn when to bend and when to be firm.  If your spouse is making demands of you and feels that you are not listening, stop for a second, maybe they’re right.

3. Listen

In a successful marriage, both partners listen to one another. They care about one another and they respect one another, but most importantly, they LISTEN. If you aren’t listening to your partner, then it’s no surprise that divorce is on the table. Start listening to what your partner wants and to what their needs are. Then they can listen to you. Together you can address the real problems by first knowing what they are and then by understanding how you both feel about them.

With these three tips actively in place, you’ll notice a dramatic difference in your relationship. I know, compromising and listening sound like advice from a self help book.  But, with all of the couples I’ve helped over the years who were begging me for advice on how to stop their divorce and save their marriage, it is all easily applicable to real life.  If you still need help, consider going to couples therapy. Don’t give up on your marriage!

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if your marriage is teetering on the brink, then I can give you some advice that may just save it.

Without knowing your personal situation, my methods of how to stop a divorce may not work for you, but the principle is the same and so many people have come to me, asking for me to give them something they could use to prevent their marriage from falling to pieces.  Marriage is a blessing once people have it.  No one wants to see it disintegrate before their very eyes.  Do not despair and do not worry, there is something that you can do.

Part of fixing the problem is to be completely serious about getting your spouse back.  Some people just think that problems fix themselves.  They say that “Time heals all wounds,” but when it comes to preventing divorce, that adage is far from useful.  You’ve taken the first step by reading this article, but don’t think that you can save your marriage by not taking proactive steps.

Like most of my relationship advice, I always favor a calm, level head as far as problem solving is concerned.  This is very hard, especially when we’re trying to save our marriage. It’s an emotional time.  We feel lost and alone, maybe even angry that much of what we’ve worked for has now gone away.  Now is not the time for panic.  Panic will lead you to make a mistake.  Panic will cause you to push your spouse further and further away, which is the last thing that you want.

Find the problem.  Is it finances?  Is it the pressure of daily living?  Is it jealousy?  Has there been infidelity?  Do not let your emotions send you into a maelstrom.  Now is the time for clearheaded thinking.  If the divorce is impending because of your lifestyle, then change it, drastically.  If you have to make extra money on the side for a new vacation, or let your spouse take some time off work to collect themselves, then that’s just what’s going to have to happen.

A lot of the people who come to me for advice marvel at how simple it sounds, and wonder if it works.  After all, preventing a divorce should be magical.  It isn’t.  A pending divorce means that the fundamentals to your relationship have broken down.  You have to restore them if you want a functional relationship.  If your car’s engine is broke, no amount of sorcery is going to replace fixing the motor.

Same thing with your relationship.  If you’re not having enough sex, then read my articles about how to steam it up in the bedroom.  If you think there’s infidelity, I give advice on how to find out and how to deal with it.  Also, a word of warning: some relationships cannot be repaired.  Sometimes you do not want to prevent a divorce.  In fact, it might be better for you to just move on.  It’s all up to you though.

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Relationship Problems

If you need to prevent divorce, your marriage is in trouble and it’s time for some emergency measures.How to prevent divorce

Okay, in this article I want give you some advice that you can do immediately to start patching up your relationship, to start preventing divorce and to get your relationship back on track and the cuddle and the theme of this is going to be about making her feel good.

So I want to give you a few different tips and techniques you can use immediately to get your partner to feel good. To prevent divorce your marriage is in trouble is to change the effect that you have on your partner.

Now, I’m not saying you’re going to beg, or you’re going to put yourself down, or act like a wimp or sissy because that’s not going to make her or him feel good.

But it’s really important that you can be a source of actualization for your wife or husband. To prevent divorce your marriage is in trouble they need to feel differently about you.

I’ll assume that you are the husband to make the writing cleaner but it applies the same for both sexes.

You can be where she gets to feel good emotions and her energy from. To prevent divorce your marriage is in trouble is about transforming how she thinks about you.

So the first thing is by giving her a really nice complement to say something that makes her feel good, maybe a level of appreciation that you’ve never had for her before.

The next thing you can do is to show more empathy, more understanding, and more sympathy. To prevent divorce your marriage is in trouble is to shift how you relate to her.

You’ve got to be out or put yourself into her shoes, you know, this divorce is probably very difficult for her, she’s very confused, she’s in a lot of pain, she’s having a lot of difficulty, so it’s really important that you can put yourself in her shoes and show her that you understand her somewhat.

Say to her that you really think what she’s doing is courageous and it’s not an easy situation and even say how difficult it must have been having being married to you for wide variety of reasons. You can begin to prevent divorce your marriage is in trouble by taking her side.

This is going to really give her a whole different perspective about you and about how you can make her feel good because you understand her.

And the next thing that’s going to make her feel good is for you to think of her as being very attractive and positive. You can actually prevent divorce your marriage is in trouble by shifting your focus completely.

The mental focus you have and how you think and how you perceive her will play a very big part in how she feels and during this divorce, maybe you’ve lost some of your attraction from her, maybe she’s annoyed you or frustrated you but instead of just awkwardly trying to make love to her or get her back, shift to more of a positive internal focus.

One of appreciation and gratitude and of curiosity and one of natural sincere affection, she won’t be able to help but feel this energy coming from you and it will give her a bit of a different side of you that maybe she hasn’t seen very much. Start to prevent divorce your marriage is in trouble by making her feel amazing and incredible.

One of the most powerful things you can do is to look at the way you’re approaching this divorce in your wife and start to re-strategize your plan, so you can make her feel better and you can take more of an understanding approach.

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To stop your divorce, you need to take stock of what’s really important in life and grab hold.

How bad do you want to stop your divorce?  Sounds like a silly question huh?  Well, it’s really important to focus on just how much you want to keep your marriage.  How important is it to you?  Are you a better person now that you are married?  To what lengths would you go to make sure your marriage is secure.  Answering these initial questions will help you figure out the next part of your journey.

If you feel that you need to stop your divorce at all costs, that if you were to be divorced, your life would be effectively crushed, then I’m glad you’ve figured it out.  See, I always ask people how much they want to stop their divorce, because it helps them think about why it is they value their relationship.  One problem in long term relationships is that you get so familiar with a single person that you start to forget the many reasons why it is you treasure them.

The best advice I can give you on how to stop a divorce is based on rediscovering what it is you find irresistible about your partner, and having them rediscover it with you.  One exercise I find that helps people a lot is for them to list the five most wonderful things about their partner that they can think of.  It sounds weird, I know. If you’re in the middle of a fight, how could you possibly be thinking good things about your partner?  This exercise takes the strife and anger out of the situation and instead focuses both members on the positive.

If you really feel that focusing on the positive is not going to cut it for stopping your divorce, then I highly recommend for you to see a marriage counselor immediately. They can delve into the complex psychological reasons you and your spouse are having problems.  You may need a professional to help you wade through any abuse or trauma you or your partner may have experienced from an earlier relationship.

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Stopping a divorce can be difficult. I cannot guarantee success, but I can get you on the road to getting back together.

Divorce is really terrible and you should try to stop it at any cost.  There are rare cases where I would say divorce is preferable to staying together.  If there has been infidelity, or if your spouse is violent or has hurt you physically, then I would seriously recommend getting a divorce.  If your problems are that severe then divorce may be the correct move.  If not, read on for some tips for stopping a divorce in its tracks.

You cannot go about the same life pattern and expect different results.  If your divorce is due to the stress and hardship of your life, then you need to change that.  One of the biggest reasons that people get divorced is financial.  A lot of times, a loss of a job or a sudden downturn in income will make your everyday life awful.  If that’s the case, you cannot expect to renew your relationship without getting your house in order.

If there are any external causes that are causing stress on your marriage, then the first step you should take is to identify them and get rid of them.  You see, when we move into the direct actions you should take to repair your marriage, you’ll find it quite difficult to fix things.  So, get on that first.  Now that you’ve got your house in order, and everything is set, now you and your spouse need to take some time off to work with each other.

You see, people who want to get divorced feel like they’re past the point of no return.  In order to stop your divorce, you have to rebuild that trust.  There are plenty of trust building exercises you can get from books in the library.  Trust falls and long conversations are one way of rebuilding the trust gap in the relationship.  Learn to talk to each other with fresh eyes.  Do not hold anything back. Tell your problems honestly!

Honesty is the foundation of trust.  Without true honesty, you can never get your relationship back on track.

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“How do I stop my divorce?” you ask.Stop my Divorce

The best advice in getting your partner back is more about what you don’t do than what you do. Being able to stop my divorce can usually come down to avoiding “relationship killers”. Unfortunately everyone is prone to relationship killing habits. Sometimes trying too hard is what kills your relationship.

I’m going to ask you to focus more on eliminating rather than doing.

First of all, don’t ask all of those questions about your partner, about the relationship, about what’s going to happen, and about how they’re feeling. You want to create as little pressure as possible. When I was finding ways to stop my divorce I found that I needed to focus on removing the pressure that my partner was feeling from my constant nagging.

The last thing you want to do is bombard your partner with questions. To stop my divorce, I worked hard to make sure that my partner felt good when she was around me.

You don’t want to overload them with all these questions about what she’s doing with her time and what she’s interested in and if she still loves you. This is just going to push her away and make you more unattractive.

The second thing you want to stop all forms of negativity. From criticizing to arguing and demanding things. Don’t do anything that causes conflicts, disagreements, problems, or tension. In order to stop my divorce, I had to let go of all of these things.

You need to instantly eliminate those nagging questions if you want to stop your divorce. I know it helped me to stop my divorce.

What you want is a complete atmosphere of peace between the two of you.

You want to avoid anything where you get defensive, emotional, reactive, or you feel any tendency to get into a fight. I did this and it tremendously helped save my marriage and stop my divorce.

And lastly, you want to stop complaining and whining. That’s the last thing that would keep your divorce from happening. Sulking and complaining to your friends or complaining to your partner is not going to help. You need to quit playing the victim if you are going to stop your divorce.

You have to take responsibility for where you are at. It’s one thing that I found difficult but that ultimately helped me stop my divorce.

You’ve got to get your peace back and your personal happiness back if you hope to share happiness with someone else.

There are three guiding principles that can help you stop divorce.

The first principle is: Stop what you’re doing.

Yes, I mean exactly that.  Stop whatever is going on in your life and focus on your marriage.  At this point, there is nothing more important, and you have to start acting like your marriage is worth more than the whole world.  It’s worth more than your job, It’s everything at this point.

It sounds drastic, but divorce is even more drastic.  From a recent survey of recently divorced adults, 56% of them responded that they had regretted getting a divorce.  Most divorces happen in the heat of the moment, when negative emotions start flying high and both partners lose themselves in whatever problems drove them to start arguing.  This is why you have to drop everything.  It allows you to focus on the real problems, not the minutia.

Second Principle: Stop Talking and Listen

This is not just good advice for stopping a divorce, it’s just a generally good idea.  Part of the reason marriages break down is because of poor communication.  If something is the matter, you have to say why. You cannot just sit there and think that your spouse is going to figure everything out for you.

One of the big reasons divorces happen is because people say  things they don’t mean or get into arguments about minutia, but are really angry about something else.  Humans are illogical, emotional creatures.  It’s hard to be reasonable when emotions are running high.

Third Principle: Remember Yourself

I say this a lot, and many of my readers don’t like hearing this, but sometimes a marriage is over with and it’s better if both people exit gracefully.  Remember, the purpose of your relationships is to be happy, and to expand your own happiness.  Your spouse is thinking the same way.  If the relationship is just breaking you down emotionally, or if there’s been infidelity, it may be time to pack up shop.

Apply these three principles and you are already on the way to stopping divorce!

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If you want to stop divorce now then time is of the essence.  You need a game changer, and you need it NOW.

The way you’ve been thinking about marriage, isn’t working.

Maybe you’re stuck in a rut or maybe you’ve let problems in your marriage reach a boiling point, and now you have absolutely no idea what to do next.  This happens to a lot of couples, and you do not need to let this crisis consume you.  You can empower yourself.  You can stop your divorce now, as of right this second, if you follow some of these tested ideas.

1. Halt any stressful activities and slow down

Stress makes everything worse.  It can make arguments fiercer and it can make hurt feelings unbearable.  If you are leading a stress filled life, you will need to take a few days off to get your head together.  If work is unbearable, take a week off.  If your kids are too much, send them to their aunt’s.  You and your spouse have to be laser focused on each other during this time, or it falls apart.

2. Stop the blame game

One of the biggest reasons couples reach the boiling point of divorce is because they are stuck in a pattern of blaming each other without thinking about what they’re saying.  Yes, this is a harsh indictment of what goes on in a lot of relationships, but I’ve seen it wreck people’s lives.  If you want to stop your divorce now, you cannot sit there and blame your spouse for everything.

Remember, a lot of what strains a relationship is how we choose to react to things.  It’s really about the inner game, what goes on in the mind.  Think about it this way.  If your spouse is angry all the time, do you add to the anger by reacting in a hurt manner?  Do you try to shout them down? Does that strategy ever work?  It couldn’t  possibly work!

3. Work on being a world class communicator

Get a book or take a class if need be.  Dale Carnegie has written several books on the subject and there are of course the world famous Dale Carnegie courses you can take.  You cannot have a communication breakdown now.  This would tear apart the fabric of your marriage.  You must know exactly how to not only say what you want to say, but learn to get into the head of your listener and be sure they understand you the way you want.

Misunderstandings kill relationships.  We end up saying things to satisfy our own ego without really understanding where the other person is coming from.  This is marriage poison, and if you want to stop your divorce now, you need to get on this problem pronto!

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If your marriage is in trouble, and you’re looking for a book on stopping a divorce, there’s plenty to choose from.

How can I stop my divorce - can my marriage be saved with a Book?

No one wants to go through a divorce.  Your emotions will be put through a shredder, and in the case of children, you will find that your once happy family life will be filled with pitfalls and pain.  No one wants to go down this road if there is something they can do about it.  Maybe you’re in the market for books that can stop a divorce and repair your damaged relationship?  There’s quite a few on the market, and each has their own take on marital problems.

“Breaking the Argument Cycle: How to Stop Arguing Without Therapy,” is a good book for couples who might find it financially stressing to see a professional therapist, and instead want easy, practical tip to take the rancor out of a relationship plagued with screaming matches.  The author, Sharon Rivkin, is a couple’s therapist who has condensed her experience with couples who often argue into a book.  Most of the time, your arguments with your spouse can be over trivial, meaningless things, where the core problem lies somewhere else.  This book has exercises and tips on how to cut through the trivialities and get straight to the core of the problem.  It doesn’t just give you anecdotal evidence, but real things you can try out with your spouse, and see if it affects your relationship in a positive way.

“Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in World That Pulls Us Apart,” By William J. Doherty PhD, is another great book for couples who feel their relationship is on the rocks.  Doherty suggests that marriage requires a lot of active effort by both parties.  Most relationships fail because many people feel that their relationship was complete once they tied the knot.  Marriage is a journey, not an endpoint, suggests Doherty, and it’s good advice, especially to those who feel their marriage might soon be ending.  Doherty advocates for “intentional marriage,” or marriage where both partners are active daily in strengthening their bond.  As always, practical advice is always better than just hearing about other people’s lives, and this book has many exercises that build intimacy and break barriers between partners.

If you really want to cement your relationship and say “Goodbye!” to the possibility of divorce, then you should try Barry Cooper’s “Stopping the Epidemic of Divorce: Practical steps to stop divorce in its tracks.”  The books is light yet deals with a very heavy subject, and its designed to help people avoid the pitfall of divorce.  It’s painful honesty and rapier wit will leave you chilled, but at the same time, give you hope that there is indeed a way you can patch things up and avoid divorce.  The market is of course filled with other books on avoiding divorce, but these ones will provide you with a good head start.

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Just hit send, and let the flirting begin!

You need to know how to stop divorce, and you need to know it now!  I can understand what it’s like being in full panic mode, and here are some tips you can use RIGHT NOW to stop divorce.

When a marriage is on the brink of divorce, we feel like we’re in a house of cards that’s collapsing all around us without any help in sight.  It’s all too easy to go straight into panic mode when you think your spouse is about to leave you a Dear John letter.  Don’t sit there and do nothing!  Your partner needs to know that you value the marriage to the point that you’d do anything to save it.  This is so important right now, that I want you to reread the last statement until it gets into  your soul.

Take a break from work, the kids, in laws, and everything else that you feel is an encumbrance on your marriage, and whisk yourself and your spouse away.  So often I see couples on the brink of divorce because of financial problems, family problems, illness, and other outside influences.  You cannot expect to repair and heal your relationship in a state of panic.  You might not have much money, but try to remove yourself from your old environment to see your relationship with fresh eyes.

Once you do, it’s time to take a deep breath.  You’ve done a lot to help yourself already.  Most people don’t make it this far.  What you need to do now is to be brutally honest with yourself and air out all of your grievances with your wife.  Whether it’s finances, or adultery, or any problem that you have in your relationship, you need to air your dirty laundry.  Silence is a relationship killer.  You’re essentially saying you don’t trust your partner with your thoughts or emotions.  That’s no way to stop divorce.

If you do have the money, I heartily recommend going on a marriage retreat.  Whisk yourself away to the mountains of Wyoming or touch dolphins in California.  You have to do whatever it takes at this point.  These retreats are great because you can sit down with a licensed therapist who can help you with your problems in a relaxed, stress free setting.  Do not wait to get this done, because the longer you procrastinate, the more likely you will not be able to stop your divorce.

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