If your marriage isn’t working, it can be helpful to try various couples therapy techniques.
One of the first things to identify is the cycle that you are currently wrapped up in. This can be a difficult and time-consuming process, which is one reason why finding a couples therapist may be the necessary next step.
Identifying the cycle itself is a complex process. Some couples find themselves in a vicious cycle of blame. One person chooses to go out to eat a few times a week spending unnecessary money when things are tight. That person may feel that they need that time to get away and de-stress, while the other only sees it as a loss of money. Perhaps this is the beginning of the ‘blame cycle’ for this couple and once this fight begins, the two will blame each other for dozens of other transgressions. This is what needs to stop if your marriage is to survive and then thrive.
You must stop the cycle.
A talented and competent couples therapist can help you identify the cycle and work with you to develop a plan to cripple the cycle. Once crippled, the cycle will head towards it’s own demise. If you cannot afford a couples therapist (though check with your insurance because it may be more affordable than you think) then you may wish to attempt to identify and stop the cycle yourself.
To stop the cycle:
- Look at why you get upset, sad, jealous, and/or frustrated. Identify the emotional response that you are having and look for the WHY.
- Determine what can be done about the WHY. Is there a behavior that needs to be stopped? What are you doing and what is your partner doing? Is it something that is outside of your relationship but is wreaking havoc in your relationship because of the way you feel? What could be a suitable alternative? Spend some time in thoughtful self-reflection and then discuss this WITH your partner. Two perspectives and perceptions are always better than one.
- Believe that things can change. If you don’t believe things can get better, you won’t see results. Trust yourself and trust your partner.
With these couples therapy techniques, you can begin to locate your problems within your marriage and actively work to fix them. Keep in mind that a caring, supportive, and understanding professional is really the best person to guide you through these couples therapy techniques. If you can afford it and if you are both willing, it would be best to let a professional embark on this journey with you.
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