I get a lot of questions about men who are, “drawn to another girl.” By that, I mean a girl who isn’t the one they are currently having a relationship with. These men contact me and ask me for advice about whether or not they should pursue this girl or stay in their current relationship. It’s quite the dilemma. What to do?
First, it’s important to note that you will always be attracted to other woman. She’ll be attracted to other men. And that’s okay. It isn’t okay to have strong romantic feelings for another person.
When they say that they are drawn to another girl, I always ask the “why” question. WHY?
Is it because you think she’s attractive and that’s it – or do you feel like you might want a relationship with her? If you consider leaving your current girlfriend, then you need to consider how much that relationship means to you. For this other girl, you’re thinking of leaving. That says more about your current relationship than it does about how you feel for this random girl.
Say she isn’t random? Say you’ve known her for a while and you’re falling more and more for her. Then it’s a bit different. You may feel that she could be “the one” even. If you feel that you are compatible and you feel strongly about her, then maybe you should go for it. If she’s all that you can think about, then regardless of whether or not you go for this girl, you need to let your current girlfriend go. It isn’t fair or just to stay in a relationship with someone that you are not fully committed to. If it’s an official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, then there needs to be commitment. If you can only think of another, you won’t be committed.
Think of your current relationship and it’s value to you. Think of this other girl and her value to you. Think of your future. Think of the present moment. No matter your decision – make sure that you’ve thought it through carefully.