I want to give you a three step solution to dealing with relationship problems.
These steps aren’t magic. No one can promise instant bliss or a perfect relationship. Anyone that does doesn’t know what they are talking about. What I can offer you, though, is good advice about what I’ve seen works for couples who have had lots of problems and were able to work through them.
The first step is to realize there are no good guys and bad guys in this situation. Obviously if there is violence or abuse in the relationship, then you need to leave, and there would be a bad guy there. But in a normal relationship, you’ll find that with any argument you have, there’s always a different way of looking at things. Maybe you’re at fault more than your partner, or vice versa. Assigning blame is not really going to work in fixing your relationship.
The second step is to practice being a great negotiator. Great negotiators always know how to communicate clearly and effectively by thinking not just from their own perspective, but also from the other side. Negotiators are not going into a discussion thinking they are going to steamroll the other side, nor do they see everyone as opponents.
This is really important to success in any relationship. It’s not just you! Your partner has feelings and expectations as well. How many of your arguments have started because you did something unilaterally and selfishly? Did you try and negotiate, or did you run in and just say that you were going to just take what you wanted?
The third and final step is to get clarity. It sounds a bit zen, but I’m talking about meditating or becoming enlightened. It’s all about being rational about the state of your relationship. If you feel that your partner is asking a lot of you or not pulling their weight, clarity will give you the ability to see all of your problems clearly.
So what do we do with these three steps?
You use them all the time. Whenever an argument starts or you feel like your relationship is in jeopardy, you remember these three keys, and focus on them. Put yourself in the mindset of a negotiator, remember that in any conflict there are no good guys and bad guys, and focus on achieving clarity. You’ll find much more relationship bliss if you apply these techniques.
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