Learning how to save a sexless marriage can be overwhelming, but it is very possible…
So you’re stuck in a sexless marriage, and as each day passes you don’t see any way out. That’s normal. So many people in sexless marriages feel like they’re trapped and that each day is just another chapter in the book of loneliness. There is a way out, but it’s hard, and it will test the limits of your trust and closeness to your spouse. If you’re ready to take the journey, then read on.
If you are the one in the relationship that wants to make love, but are rebuffed, then do not blame yourself. It is so important that you do not blame yourself. Hating yourself or thinking that somehow there’s something about you that is causing the problem is not the way we save a sexless marriage. Your partner wanted you at one point. You were married for a reason, and you wanted each other physically at one point. That means it can happen again.
As always, I advocate for a cool headed approach to solving relationship problems. That’s why I tell you not to blame yourself. If you don’t blame yourself, then you will be in the right mindset to solve this problem. So, why does your spouse not want to make love? Is it because they’re too tired? Do they give excuses, saying that they just don’t feel like it, or they have to work early tomorrow?
If this is the case, you may need to help them reorganize their life so that they don’t have these impediments in their life any longer. This can happen when we juggle a career with kids among the hundreds of other things that come up during the course of a normal life. It’s time you uncluttered your closet and took a good look at your partner’s life.
If you are the one that does not want to make love, then you need to look deep within yourself, and try to remember if there was any trauma in your past. A lot of times, we lose the ability to be physically intimate with other people because of a painful past. In women, for instance, they do not want to make love because they had been raped many years ago and compartmentalized the pain. Do not try to take your pain and put it in a box. It needs to be dealt with.
I know that was scary, but it’s true. There are many sexless marriages where one spouse was hurt as a child, and learned to deal with the pain in their daily life. They never had a chance to examine it or deal with it because the opportunity never came out. Now that they’re married, the need for physical intimacy has come up, and now they have to deal with their pain. If this describes you, it’s time to see a psychiatrist.
Saving a sexless marriage is not impossible if both parties are honest with themselves and do not resort to the blame game. It can never help.
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