Think fast!: what are the major struggles in your marriage? (What were the major struggles before you broke up?)
If you’re like most couples, you argued about money.. family… stress and work. However, unlike more couples, your arguments grew into major struggles which tore your marriage apart. You lost control and didn’t have any safety valves in your marriage.
The first thing you need to know is that these struggles are NOT your fault!
Every couple has them. Only some couples can overcome them. Everyone gets laid off, everyone has in-laws they’d rather not deal with, and everyone reaches a point in their life where things didn’t turn out the way they want. It’s all about how you choose to deal with it is the different between successful and unsuccessful couples.
The second thing you need to know is the easy, simple strategy – the “quick fix” – for overcoming each relationship struggle with minimal time, effort or “work” on your part. Best of all: they repair your relationship so well, your new marriage may be stronger than your ex-marriage ever was.
So… without further ado… here are the major marriage struggles and their quick fixes:
Marriage Struggle #1: Money
Do you know why so many Lottery winners go bankrupt? Yes, that’s right: bankrupt.
In fact, most major money winners lose EVERYTHING in less than three to five years… and then… end up in bigger debt than they were before the Lottery win. Do you know why? I didn’t either: so I did some research. And it turns out, major sums of money don’t solve problems. They don’t CREATE problems, either. Being rich simply MAGNIFIES your current struggles in your personal life, your romantic life and your work life, as well. (This is proven by science.)
“But I’m not rich” you say? Well, that doesn’t mean you’re safe: these same studies concluded money functions as an amplifier whether you have a lot of it… or none of it at all. In fact, couples with no money, some money and LOTS of money all had similar struggles when given either a $1 million dollar paycheck or a credit card balance worth $10,000.00.
How’s this help you? Well, it means that money isn’t the root of your problems. Your money struggles were simply the sign of something deeper. A virus, eating at your relationship from the inside out.
The Quick Fix: When money struggles come up, tell your partner, “I know we aren’t perfectly set, financially, but is there some other aspect of our relationship you’d REALLY like to talk about, right now?”
This will cause your partner to stop and think. And possibly open up about problems festering underneath the surface.
Marriage Struggle #2: Family
You love your family, right? Of course! (Even though you may not LIKE them, sometimes.)
So how can your family cause marriage struggles? It’s easy: you may not LIKE them, sometimes. Let me explain:
Your parents… your children… your family… they’re just people. The same as you and me. The same as your boss and coworkers. The same as strangers you meet on the street.
And just like these other people, your family members can make you feel great sometimes. At other times, your family can make you feel awful. Stressed. Or just pissed off.
It’s OK. Because not liking your family is normal. In fact, you should give yourself 5% of your “family time” to be upset with certain people in your family.
This lets those built up emotions work themselves out. Otherwise, they explode at the exact wrong moment, causing damage you can’t repair. And words you can’t take back.
The Quick Fix: When someone in your family upsets you, take one minute for yourself. Just leave the room and get some fresh air. Then take one minute to pull this person aside – even if it’s one of your kids – and be honest with them.
Tell them, “What you did made me very upset. I didn’t like it for these reasons. I’d appreciate it if you don’t do this again.” As long as you’re sensitive to their feelings in the future, this will fix family struggles for good.
Marriage Struggle #3: Stress
What is stress? I like to think of it as, “Too much to do and too little time.”
We also feel stressed when we’re held back, frustrated or even restrained, physically.
So “Stress” is really “wanting something or wanting to do something you can’t.”
This means wanting to say something you can’t… wanting to do something you shouldn’t… wanting your life to be different… all of it.
The good news is: stress can be gotten rid of, simply by DOING or SAYING whatever you’re holding back. Screw the consequences! I say this because most stress is built up piles of little things. Especially in your marriage.
Try making an “honesty pact” with your spouse. Say, “I love you and therefore I never want you to feel stressed because of me, ever again. Let’s promise to be honest with each other, even if we think it might hurt.”
Risky, right? Not on your life!
Think of this clause like a release valve for your relationship: it lets you relieve built up pressure before it gets too great. (Before it blows your lid off like a Saturday morning cartoon!)
The Quick Fix: Express yourself for fifteen minutes, every day. You can spread these out into five minute chunks. Spend one saying what’s on your mind. Spend one doing something you’ve always wanted to do. Spend one breaking all the “rules.”
Encourage your spouse to do this, too, and you’ll never have a stressful marriage.
Marriage Struggle 3.5: Work
Work is another source of stress, right? That’s true.
When you bring home work stress, though, you bring home stress your partner has nothing to do with. So how do you let it out? Try venting. Try complaining.
Give yourself five minutes every night to “share a piece of your mind” with your partner about your boss.. your coworkers… your current project. Whatever.
But then do this:
Take a look at your vent. Have you ever had this same vent before?
If you’re venting about the same thing too much and too often, it’s time for you to make a change. Don’t change and you’re just bringing home the same stress over and over. For your partner to deal with.
That’s not fair and it will cause marriage struggles if you let it go on for too long. Not to mention, you will be miserable.
The Quick Fix: Keep a Venting Journal. Write down what you’re mad or stressed about, every day. If anything comes up three times in a row… or… three times in one week, you need to do something about it.
I hope these Quick Fixes helped your marriage or gave you tools to use once you get your marriage back. Can you leave a comment in the comments below?
Just share your favorite Marriage Struggle Quick Fix. Or share a stress-busting tip of your own!
Have A Happy Relationship,
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