My husband had an affair

My husband had an affair

Question: My husband had an affair and I’m wondering what I should do with our relationship? Should I stay married to him or leave him? He said it was just a one time thing and he was drunk. I don’t know. I’m worried it may continue. I mean, my husband had an affair! What should I do?

Answer: This is a tough situation. No matter which way you look at the situation, your husband cheated on you and had an affair. It’s difficult to trust him now because he lied once. It’s possible that he could lie again. Yet – you are considering staying with him. So there must be a part of you that still loves him.  This can be hard to shake, I know, but you have to put your feelings aside and really think about whether or not you can forgive him.

There are no easy answers with a situation like this. I would recommend first and foremost, that you spend a little time away and think about this situation privately. You need to evaluate your feelings by yourself without ANYONE (your husband, your parents, your friends, etc) influencing you. If you have children this may be difficult. You may need to tell them that you are going to an event in another city for a few days.

Once you go away and come back, hopefully you will have cleared your head enough to make a decision. If your husband is truly remorseful and still loves you, then he will understand your need for space. He will also be waiting when you get back.

Taking some time off also has the added effect of letting him think about what he’s done.  If it was really spur of the moment, then he might be feeling extremely ashamed and might not want to talk to you out of fear that pressing the issue too soon may exacerbate an already tense situation.  If he’s not apologetic, and instead took the time to continue his behavior, well I think you have your answer now.

If you think, even for a moment, that he might return to his old ways, then you need to leave him.  It will work in the long run, and you may have to do it even with all the complications of children, a house, and a job, but your safety and emotional security are paramount.

Whatever you do, it’s important to understand that you need to make this decision for yourself. Don’t consider what everyone else would like you to do. This is about you and you should be the only one making this kind of life-changing decision for yourself. Never let your future be in someone else’s hands. Keep it firmly within your own hands.

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