When Someone Cheats, Should You Ask?

When Someone Cheats, Should You Ask?

You think your spouse or significant other has cheated on you.  How do you broach the subject?

So, he cheated on you.  You’ve got the evidence: a credit card bill for a local motel or pictures of his romantic interludes with his mistress.  You’ve caught your significant other breaching the trust you’ve built for so long, and now it feels terrible.  You have just been rejected as deeply and as broadly as any human can ever be rejected.

Not everyone has had someone cheat on them, but many people have. If it happens to you, you may find yourself fraught with questions. Should you ask who it was? Should you stay together? What should you say if he or she breaks up with you for this other person?

I am just not in a good emotional state right now.

It’s best to only ask questions if you’re sure you can handle the answers. In most cases, no answer is better than knowing the truth. Do you really want to know who he was sleeping with? Do you really want to know what she was doing with that other man at the bar?

Knowing answers usually leads to an intensity of feelings and emotions that you may have been able to avoid otherwise. You might want to ask if it’s someone you know. That makes sense. If your best friend is the one who’s cheating with your man, you’ll want to know so that you can deal with your friendship with her. However, if your ex says it’s someone that you don’t know, you may want to stop there. Think of what good it would do you to know that information. It wouldn’t do you any good.

It feels like my entire world has ended…

Let yourself grieve and ask the questions that you need for clarity and closure. Just be careful about asking for too many details. This often makes the breakup hurt more and the betrayal feel worse. If you want to stay with your partner and he or she wants to stay with you, then you may need details. If you’ll be going your separate ways, it’s better to leave those up to speculation.

Only get the answers that you need and leave the other ones alone. Ignorance really is bliss in this situation.

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